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Is There Hope After a Struggle with Pornography?
What’s one thing you would say to a woman who is listening who struggles with pornography and wonders if there is hope? I have been asked that question countless times over the last few months as I’ve been on various podcasts and radio shows talking about my book, Quenched. So many presenters and hosts want to leave their listeners with a soundbite that offers a glimmer of hope. I’m always happy to provide it and to share that there was a point in my own story (several, actually) where I felt hopeless. At 17, I felt like I was too far gone to ever be rescued. I would never be…
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How to Porn-Proof Your Marriage (A Guide for Wives)
When we talk about Christian women struggling with pornography, I think it’s important we acknowledge married Christian women also struggle with pornography. This tells us two things: First, it tells us that marriage won’t fix your porn problem. Second, it tells us we need to address the issues that are unique to married women who struggle with pornography. I posted something on Facebook recently in regards to the question, “What would I tell a wife whose husband is going to be gone for a while and has asked for pictures of her so that he doesn’t look at porn?” This is not an uncommon or unheard of scenario in my…
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The Journey of Quenched: Discovering God’s Abundant Grace for Women Struggling with Pornography and Sexual Shame
This coming week is a big week. It is the week Quenched launches into the world. If you’re curious what the journey from idea to bookshelf can look like, here you go. You may not know this, but the journey of Quenched started back in 2013. I share a bit of this story in the introduction of the book, but it’s a question I’ve been asked in several podcasts and interviews, “Why did you write this book?” That summer, I was staying at my grandparents’ house. I had just finished working as a teacher so I had the summer off to enjoy and made a trip to see them. Beggar’s…
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How Pornography Affected My Body Image (or, How Porn is Like Glitter)
Over the years, many women have asked me how pornography affected my body image. For the longest time, I told them it didn’t. I was exposed to pornography at the age of 13, a freshman in high school. Can we all just agree that 13 is already awkward, clumsy, and painful no matter who you are or what you’ve been exposed to? My days were spent admiring the cheerleaders and wondering how they managed their perfect makeup and pin-straight hair. (True story: I didn’t even know hair straighteners existed until I graduated high school and then I had a friend come over and spend over an hour straightening my thick,…
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What do I Need to Do to Stop Watching Porn?
If you want to break free from a struggle with pornography, you may be wondering: What do I need to do to stop watching porn? What do I need to give up? Is there some sort of trick? Different “experts” may have different strategies. When I was first beginning my journey of freedom, the “course” I was using called for “radical amputation” of any sort of electronic device. No TV. No smartphone. This, the author believed, was the equivalent of “gouging out your right eye” which is what Jesus says in Matthew 5:29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it…
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I’m a Christian Woman Who Struggled with Porn. This is the Hardest Part About Sharing My Story.
In 2009, I started sharing my story about my struggle with porn addiction. I did so anonymously at first because I didn’t want to deal with people knowing this was my story. I felt like I was the only woman in that world who had this struggle. No one needed to hear my story. No one cared. In late 2010, I stood in a room at a conference in Canada. I was leading a breakout session for women on the topic of lust and the room was packed. Every chair was full, women stood around the room, and some even sat on the floor near where I was speaking. The…
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The Flirtation Experiment and Why Intimacy Matters
“When does the love fade away?” I was sitting in hair and makeup with Brittni De La Mora, a former porn actress and now leader of XXXchurch and Love Always Ministries. Brittni and I were speaking on a panel for CBN’s Unhooked: Purity in a Pornified World. It’s not often that I get an opportunity to talk with women in similar places of ministry and life. Brittni and her husband got married in 2016. My husband and I got married in 2018. We each had girls, three months apart. So, sitting in the room with her felt like an opportunity to gain some wisdom. My husband and I were just…
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Take “Break Free From Porn” Off Your To Do List
How many times have you told yourself this time will be the last time? Have you ever tried to quit watching pornography? Stop masturbating? Stop lusting? Then you have probably discovered it isn’t exactly easy. It seems like it should be, right? Isn’t this what God wants us to do? Doesn’t He want us to stop? You would think, then, that we would just be able to wake up one day and that’s it. It’s over. We’re done and never look back. Easy peasy. Isn’t that what so many pastors seem to preach? Just stop. You want to stop. You try to stop. So why can’t you stop? It might…
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Three Signs You Are Exploiting People
Simone Biles made headlines during the Tokyo Olympics when she stepped away from the competition for mental health reasons. While most responses I saw were understanding, encouraging, and even empowering, there were plenty of people that seemed to take personal offense to her decision. How dare she. She was called a quitter, selfish, even a sociopath. Christian commentator, Matt Walsh, called her an embarrassment and “in some ways an appropriate representation of a country that has gone soft.” Oof. Several times as I’ve read news articles and comments on social media of people expressing their disappointment and chastising her, I’ve wanted to remind them that she doesn’t owe any of…
