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Resource Review: We Too by Mary DeMuth
The purpose of this blog isn’t just to address women struggling with pornography, but really to change the conversation about women and sexuality in the church. How does grace impact our struggles and intersect with our wounds? How can the church immitate the love and grace of God while addressing things like sexual addiction, sexual identity, and sexual abuse? Since I just finished up the series addressing porn in the church, I wanted to highlight a resource that addresses another issue in the church: Sexual abuse. As a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of someone in my church, this is something I hold dear. I’ve written about it…
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To the Girl Who Wonders if God Can Be a Good Father
Father’s Day is here again, and while many are buying their dads bad ties, funny socks, or new fishing poles, there are many of us who spend father’s day nursing the wounds of what could have been. My dad left our family when I was little. The day is still seared in my mind. It was Christmastime. When my piano lessons were over, he wasn’t there to pick me up. The piano teacher called my mom at work. Back in the day before cell phones, there was no way to reach him if he were on the road. So, I waited for one of them to come and get me.…
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Porn in Church: Setting Up Recovery Groups For Women Who Struggle with Porn
This post is part of our Porn in Church series- a series designed especially for pastors. If you are not a pastor, please share this post with your pastor. Women in your church struggle with pornography. That’s just a fact. Men in your church struggle with pornography. That’s also a fact. Still, churches today are relatively ill-equipped to help either gender effectively. When it comes to addressing pornography use and helping people find freedom and healing, too often the message is short and limited to “stop it.” “Stop it” isn’t helpful. People who are looking for help breaking free from pornography already want to stop. That’s why they’re looking for…
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Porn in Church: The One Word Christian Women Struggling with Porn Need to Hear
What if I told you there was one word that Christian women struggling with porn needed to hear? Just one word that could help eradicate shame and set them on the journey to freedom? What if one word could completely change the atmosphere of your church? Could it really be that simple? Five years ago, I had the privilege of speaking at the Set Free Summit, hosted by Covenant Eyes and Josh McDowell Ministries. It was a gathering of hundreds of pastors and ministry leaders addressing the issue of pornography use within the church. During my session, I shared about the shame experienced by a Christian woman struggling with pornography.…
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Porn in Church: Creating a Safe Space for Grace
In this series, where we’re tackling how to address porn in church, I would be remiss if I didn’t address this fundamental reality: our churches need to be safe spaces for grace. In the coming weeks, we’ll talk about how to change the conversation and help women find healing, but the fact is that if the culture of your church chokes out grace, you can talk until you’re blue in the face and it isn’t going to matter. There’s a parable in the Bible (Matthew 13:1–23, Mark 4:1–20, Luke 8:4–15) that is commonly referred to as the parable of the sower. The short version is this: a sower went out…
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Porn in Church: The Five Most Unhelpful Things Pastors Said About Pornography
As a Christian teenage girl struggling with pornography, I heard a lot of messages about getting help and breaking free from sin. Many of them were unhelpful. In the years since, I have heard several more, either in church or at Christian conferences, or even from magazine editors and other authors. For the next post in the Porn in Church series, I want to address some of them, explain why they aren’t helpful and how we can change them. Let me preface this by saying, this is not an attack on pastors. If you or someone you know has said one of these things, I’m not coming for you with…
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Porn and Marriage: How Do I Support My Wife Who’s Using Porn?
In the last post, I addressed wives who struggle with pornography and how they can tell their husbands. This week, I want to address those husbands whose wives struggle with porn. How can you support your wife in her struggle? You are one of the most underserved demographics in this entire field. It’s not surprising, because when we don’t really talk about women struggling with porn, we’re not really going to talk about their husbands being affected by their porn use. When I spoke for the S.H.E. Virtual Summit an old college classmate reached out and said, “It would be really nice for a conference like this to have a…
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Porn and Marriage: How Do I Tell My Husband I Struggle With Porn?
We’re winding down the Porn and Marriage series here and I’m going to close it out by talking directly to the wives, then the husbands (next week) and then summarizing some resources (the week after that). Today let’s answer the question, “How do I tell my husband I struggle with porn?” As Millennials and Generation Z females (who are more likely to use pornography than older generations) get married, they are running into this issue. It’s especially a struggle for Christian women. Why? Because for years, we’ve talked about porn like it’s only a guy’s issue. It’s how guys are wired. Perhaps you saw the recent viral video of a…
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Resource Review: Unwanted by Jay Stringer
Today, I’m reviewing Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer. As a friendly reminder, as is the case for all of my reviews, I buy these books personally and read them cover-to-cover before I share them with you. No paid endorsements here and no quick skims and half-hearted summaries. The only commission I make is through sharing affiliate links like the one below. If it’s not worth my time and money, it’s not worth yours. I want to say I’ve met Jay before but honestly, I don’t know. Maybe? I think we follow each other on social media… maybe? At any rate, his is a…
