“Only a low quality man would marry such damaged goods.” I made a mistake the other day. I logged on to Twitter. I’ve been staying off it because it really messes with my emotions- even more than lacking sleep or food. Honestly, nothing compares to the low I get from being on Twitter. It’s the most depressing place on the internet for me, and my experience the other day reminded me of why. To be clear, the statement above was in reference to Rachael Denhollander and her husband, Jacob. Oddly enough, it’s in response to Jacob promoting Rachael’s upcoming book “What is a girl worth?” (Apparently, Twitter dude’s response would…

At the height of my addiction to pornography, I prayed God would stop me from watching. The process went something like this: I would think about porn all day long. I would get back to my dorm room, sit down at my computer, log in, open up the browser, type in the web address, and before hitting enter, I would say, “Ok, God. I don’t really want to do this. I need Your help. Please don’t let this website work.” Guess what? The website worked every time. And when it loaded, I would feel some sense of justification. “If God really wanted me to stop doing this, He would help…

One of the major complaints I come across as I speak to churches, ministries, and college groups, is the lack of resources. “Fine, pornography is a problem. Now what?” That’s an important question to answer, especially when it comes to helping women who struggle with pornography. The lack of resources in this particular field can leave groups and those who struggle feeling paralyzed. Personally, I am working on a resource for addicts and those who want to help them, but I’m not the only one out there. So, I want to take some time throughout this year to review some resources that churches, groups, and women may find useful as…

The saying goes, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” But for many women who struggle with porn, the real question is “what is that single step?” We find ourselves at “Point A” and “Point A” looks something like this: I know I have a problem and want to stop. But after that, we feel a little lost. What’s the next step? And we can get dizzy with the options. Tell somebody? Who. After I tell someone, then what? What if there’s no one to tell? How about I try to do this myself? Maybe I can install some software on my computer and solve this…

Here’s the scenario: A friend comes to you and shares her story. She struggles with porn. She’s telling you because she trusts you and feels she can’t tell anyone else. She’s hoping you won’t treat her differently, hoping you won’t leave, and hoping you can help. Do you know what to do? Many people don’t. And that’s ok. When someone asks us for help with a situation we either struggle with ourselves or have no experience with, it can leave us feeling a little lost as to how we can help. Not knowing how to help doesn’t make you a bad friend.  It’s hard because she’s probably coming to you…

If you’re a woman who struggles with pornography, one question you may be asking is “why?” People around you may be asking it too. It’s a question that sends you on an epic quest to find the root cause of your addiction. Because we tell ourselves there has to be a reason. There must be something wrong with us. “Normal people don’t do this.” (It honestly doesn’t help when we link porn addiction to serial killers and sociopaths.) For years, we’ve attached female porn use to trauma. That connection has convinced some female porn addicts that they must be victims of trauma, even when they cannot recall a trauma. As…

I spent years of my life addicted to hardcore pornography. I also spent years of my life growing up in an ultra-conservative “sex is for men, women don’t want it” culture. And I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the latter can actually be more damaging than the former. Why? Well because when you sugar coat poison it tastes less like poison. When you teach falsehood in the name of Jesus, people are more likely to internalize it and frame their entire worldview around it. I was originally going to hand a post like this over to my friend, Sheila Gregoire, because she asked how…

When a reader writes in asking for help with her porn problem, the first thing I tell her to do is tell someone (other than me). In some cases, she has and has been met with rejection, ignorance, or had her struggle brushed off as being insignificant. We are more likely to open up and share our stories when we know it is safe. The reason women e-mail me asking for help is because they know they can. (I can’t offer one-on-one help or counsel but for many women, knowing they are heard is comforting in and of itself). When a woman takes a risk to start this conversation, it…

I know, I know. This time of year, everyone is sharing their love story, and all the single ladies are probably sick of hearing them. I get it. But, I’ve been married just under six months and still haven’t shared my story, so what better time than now? If you’re a single woman who just doesn’t want to hear another story right now, feel free to go read this instead, but I hope you’ll stick around. Because this story isn’t about butterflies and happily ever after. It involves the real, hard work of healing and heaps and heaps of grace. So many women who struggle with pornography believe they are…