In the last post, I talked about finding your triggers. This is something I personally feel is really important to a continued walk in freedom from things like pornography, lust, and even masturbation. I started my freedom journey 16 years ago (yes, I feel old) and I still have to pay attention to my triggers. In this post, I want to tackle what do you once you find your triggers. Originally, I planned to address both internal and external triggers here, but it was turning into a mini book. So, this post is going to be about internal triggers and the next one will be about external. The next one…

These are strange days right now. With most of the world in various stages of lockdown, most of us are spending more time at home than usual. There’s already speculation that the traffic to porn websites is bound to increase. After all “what are people supposed to do?” If you’re an addict, a user, a recovering user, or even a recovered user of pornography, days like these can be especially challenging. If you have a trigger, you’re probably encountering it multiple times a day. If you don’t think you have a trigger, you’re likely about to discover you actually do. Boredom. Loneliness. Fear. Isolation. Anxiety. Stress. Accessibility. The list goes…

This isn’t going to be a normal review for me, mostly because this isn’t a book about women struggling with porn. (You can find resources for that here) But stay with me, because this book is good. I was given free early access electronically by my friends at New Growth Press (who also publish one of my favorite women-who-struggle-with-porn resources, Sexual Sanity for Women). However, after reading just the introduction, I knew I wanted this book, so I went online and bought a copy for myself. My husband and I started reading it together as soon as we got it. Why review a book on communication? My resource page is…

“This is it. This is the year I’m going to break free. No more. I’m done.” Sound familiar? If I were to read back through my journals (I have about two dozen), I’m sure I would find that sentiment scribbled out at the end of every December or the beginning of every January. For years, my New Years Resolution was “stop using porn.” For years, I failed. I would wake up January 1 with fire and determination. The same fire that makes people sign up for gym memberships or college courses. This is it. Starting now. From this point forward. No more.  Guess what. In my experience, that actually doesn’t…

If you’re a woman struggling with pornography and looking for resources, you know all too well the lack of content written just for you. If you’re a recovery group leader, you know it too. For decades, resources for recovering from pornography have been mostly written by men for men. The reason is, for years, the belief was that pornography was something men struggled with, at the exclusion of women. That belief was obviously wrong. The result is a market saturated with male-oriented content, but an audience that is increasingly female. There is no shortage of resources for men- from Bible studies to video series to entire sets of curriculum to…

“Why do women watch pornography?” I get asked it often at speaking events, usually by older women or baffled men. For so long we’ve said porn is a man’s issue and have ignored the issue(s) women have with it. So, when I share about my own struggle with pornography and the fact that I’m not alone, some people struggle to understand why. Why would a woman watch something that is so degrading toward women? Why would a woman gain arousal from something that is blatantly unrealistic? Why would a woman consume a product that often glorifies rape and contributes to sex trafficking? My question in response is: Why would a…

When I wrote my book, Beggar’s Daughter, the main goal was to give practical insight into my journey as a female porn addict. No one was talking about it, especially people in the church. Pastors and counselors didn’t know how to address it and women who struggled had very limited resources. In sharing my story, I wanted to offer a glimpse into the pain of brokenness and the healing hope found in grace. Occasionally, I like to give updates on my journey in order to continue that story and to help those with questions like, “How will porn affect my marriage?” I searched for posts like this when I was…

When I speak to others about female porn use in the church, I’m always quick to point out what I call a “generational schism.” If you took a cross-section of today’s women, from ages 13-50, you would see an exponential increase in pornography use. The 50 year old women in church might have seen a magazine or two in their day, or may have run across an adult image on the internet, but the number who struggle with hardcore pornography is very few (not to say it’s non existent; I have readers in their 60s and older who struggle with porn). That stands in stark contrast to today’s adolescent young…