-
How I’m Talking to my Toddlers About Sex and Pornography
For years, I stood on stages and gave parents advice on how to talk to their kids about sex and pornography. “It’s not a one-time conversation.” “You have to talk to them once you give them access to the internet because pornography is a predator.” “Use anatomically correct words.” “Don’t be embarrassed.” It’s really easy to say it when you’re the “expert” teaching parents. But I blushed the first time I had to use anatomically correct words to answer my daughter’s questions about her body. I hid the book Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr on our office bookshelf. The day my girls discovered it, I literally sat on it until…
-
Why There Aren’t More Resources for Christian Women Struggling with Pornography?
When it comes to Christians struggling with pornography, the market is relatively flooded with resources for men. (Still, over 90% of churches have no support for men or women). This is how it was even decades ago when I, a Christian teenage girl, searched for help for my porn addiction. For years, I thought my consumption of pornography was healthy and even normal. I saw it as a safer alternative to sleeping around and a way for me to express and explore my sexuality while still honoring all of the tenants of purity culture. My church didn’t talk about pornography, other than vague mentions of “Men, what you are looking…
-
Is There Hope After a Struggle with Pornography?
What’s one thing you would say to a woman who is listening who struggles with pornography and wonders if there is hope? I have been asked that question countless times over the last few months as I’ve been on various podcasts and radio shows talking about my book, Quenched. So many presenters and hosts want to leave their listeners with a soundbite that offers a glimmer of hope. I’m always happy to provide it and to share that there was a point in my own story (several, actually) where I felt hopeless. At 17, I felt like I was too far gone to ever be rescued. I would never be…
-
Three Things I Wish Parents Understood About Their Kids and Porn
When it comes to kids and sex ed, there seems to be a lot up for debate. But I think if there’s one thing I think many people could agree on, it’s the fact that no young child should be exposed to pornography. In fact, the deliberate exposure of a child to sexual material is a form of child abuse. Most parents don’t want their five, six, seven, or even ten year old exposed to adult content. What that tends to result in, in many Christian families, are parents who pretend like pornography doesn’t exist. They put what they feel are necessary safeguards in place to protect their home and…
-
Five Tips for Staying Connected in the Bedroom
I was recently on the Java with Juli podcast and Dr. Slattery asked me what I would say to the woman who is struggling to stay mentally connected in bed with her husband. In this context, she was specifically talking about women who have struggled with pornography and how they can deal with those mental images, but the question impacts a broader audience. I think many women struggle to stay mentally present when it comes to physical intimacy. This isn’t a problem exclusive to women who have struggled with pornography. There is an increasing awareness of the term “mental load” and how in many couples the women carry the burden…
-
How Pornography Affected My Body Image (or, How Porn is Like Glitter)
Over the years, many women have asked me how pornography affected my body image. For the longest time, I told them it didn’t. I was exposed to pornography at the age of 13, a freshman in high school. Can we all just agree that 13 is already awkward, clumsy, and painful no matter who you are or what you’ve been exposed to? My days were spent admiring the cheerleaders and wondering how they managed their perfect makeup and pin-straight hair. (True story: I didn’t even know hair straighteners existed until I graduated high school and then I had a friend come over and spend over an hour straightening my thick,…
-
I’m a Christian Woman Who Struggled with Porn. This is the Hardest Part About Sharing My Story.
In 2009, I started sharing my story about my struggle with porn addiction. I did so anonymously at first because I didn’t want to deal with people knowing this was my story. I felt like I was the only woman in that world who had this struggle. No one needed to hear my story. No one cared. In late 2010, I stood in a room at a conference in Canada. I was leading a breakout session for women on the topic of lust and the room was packed. Every chair was full, women stood around the room, and some even sat on the floor near where I was speaking. The…
-
What Do You Do When Confession Has Consequences?
When it comes to breaking free from pornography and other sexual sins, I talk a lot about confession. In fact, if you email me (or have emailed me) asking what you should do to help start your freedom journey, my answer will always be “you need to tell someone.” There’s a reason for that, but there’s also a lot of fear around “confessing.” What if I confess and they get mad? What if I confess and they don’t care? What if I confess and I am punished? I think it’s unfortunate that we as Christians so often use confession similar to how it is used in a crime documentary. We…
-
Tips for Fighting Temptation During the Holidays
Is this time of year hard for you when it comes to your struggle? You would think all of the focus on gratitude and Jesus coming to earth would make it less likely for us to struggle. But that’s just not how it works. It’s important to remember that your struggle does not start when you pick up your phone or log on to your computer. It starts before that, and it can seem so much worse this time of year. Why? Well, if you’re in school, you are finishing up exams (hello, stress) followed by free time. If you are away from home, you’re coming back to family (and…