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How Do I Support My Wife Who’s Using Porn?
In the last post, I addressed wives who struggle with pornography and how they can tell their husbands. This week, I want to address those husbands whose wives struggle with porn. How can you support your wife in her struggle? You are one of the most underserved demographics in this entire field. It’s not surprising, because when we don’t really talk about women struggling with porn, we’re not really going to talk about their husbands being affected by their porn use. When I spoke for the S.H.E. Virtual Summit an old college classmate reached out and said, “It would be really nice for a conference like this to have a…
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How Do I Tell My Husband I Struggle With Porn?
Today let’s answer the question, “How do I tell my husband I struggle with porn?” As Millennials and Generation Z females (who are more likely to use pornography than older generations) get married, they are running into this issue. It’s especially a struggle for Christian women. Why? Because for years, we’ve talked about porn like it’s only a guy’s issue. It’s how guys are wired. Perhaps you saw the recent viral video of a Missouri pastor telling women that their husbands are going to look because that’s just the way God made men. It’s just how things are. Boys will be boys. All of which is extremely unhelpful and misleading.…
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Should We Treat Porn Like Cheating?
Should We Consider Porn the Same as Cheating? Here’s how the scenario seems to play out in a male struggler/female partner relationship. The woman catches the man watching pornography and the following conversation starts something like this: How can you watch that stuff? Why are you choosing those women over me? I’m right here. Am I not good enough for you? You don’t really love me. You love those fake women on that screen. What!? No! It’s not like that. Of course I love you. Of course I think you’re beautiful. Liar. If you really meant it, you would stop. And the communication continues to degrade. The trust continues to…
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Should We Just Watch Porn Together?
This conversation recently went down in the “community” section of an app I use. “I really wish my husband would stop watching porn. He keeps telling me he’s going to stop but our accounts are linked so I can see that he’s looking at porn at work.” “Girl, give it up and just ask to watch it with him! Watch it together!” And this is an email I got in response to a recent blog post: “I think a woman should tell her husband what type of porn she watches so they can watch it together. That’s what a strong woman would do.” So, clearly, we need to talk about…
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No, Singleness is Not a Punishment
I think this is why I’m still single. I don’t think God will ever allow me to get married. Not after what I’ve done. Before you run away, this is not another post on how “singleness is a gift” and how marriage will happen if you “are just content” or “just trust God enough.” I saw my share of those posts as a single woman and they just aren’t helpful. Singleness can be hard. Very hard and I’m not here to discredit that or ignore the fact that sometimes it feels like torture to watch all of your college roommates get married, or to be a bridesmaid in 20 different…
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Should I Get Married if I’m Addicted to Porn?
If you read my last post on saving sex for marriage, you might have caught that this is a topic I’m becoming increasingly more passionate about. My husband and I enjoy a beautiful, strong, marriage and it’s something I honestly wish for everyone. I believe it’s what God wants for us, and so many marriages are really hurting. I had to take a break after finishing that last post because my heart was so heavy. This month, we’re launching into a series that will tackle just a few of the questions I get regarding pornography and marriage. For the sake of every post in this series, I’m going to be…
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Does God Really Want Me to Save Sex for Marriage?
Let’s close out this Does God series with a zinger. I actually don’t know if it’s a zinger, but it’s a question that is being asked and one that we really need to be ok trying to answer: Does God really want me to save sex for marriage? It’s a fair question. A common question. And for some reason, a hard question to tackle. I thought I had a decent post on it and then literally just deleted the whole thing and started over… three times now. I’ve actually lost sleep over this post, wanting to be sure it contributed to a culture of grace and goodness and not shame.…
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Let’s Talk About Christian Romance Novels
Tis the season for snow-kissed romance. Now is the time when all the single ladies (and plenty of us married ladies) are snuggling up under a big fuzzy blanket in warm socks with a cup of hot chocolate watching romantic movie after romantic movie. Actually, it’s never been my thing, personally. The hot chocolate, fuzzy blanket and warm socks, absolutely! I’m not necessarily into the romance movies, but I know it is a thing for a lot of women. And that’s ok. Sort of. Let’s talk about it. “Can you please address what is wrong with Christian romance novels?” To be honest, I haven’t really addressed this much throughout the…
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What Does Accountability Look Like in Marriage?
Is your marriage a safe place to struggle? Lately, I’ve been writing a lot about accountability. It’s perhaps one of the most important and yet misunderstood aspects of a freedom journey. If you write me about your struggle with pornography and ask what you should do, the very first thing I will tell you is you need to share your story with someone (other than me). That’s not because you need a babysitter or because you need shamed. It’s because that’s the first step in tearing down shame and reestablishing community. Pornography, by its nature, is isolating. Shame, by its nature, isolates even more and shrouds in lies. So, sharing…