Has anyone ever told you to “get out of your head?” I am an INTJ and an Enneagram 4w5 so being in my head is basically my absolute favorite place to be. I will think myself into all sorts of trouble. It can be a great asset when planning ahead…
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What Does Accountability Look Like in Marriage?
Is your marriage a safe place to struggle? Lately, I’ve been writing a lot about accountability. It’s perhaps one of the most important and yet misunderstood aspects of a freedom journey. If you write me about your struggle with pornography and ask what you should do, the very first thing…
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The Mistakes We Make With Accountability
Ask any group helping people overcome a struggle with porn and you’ll probably hear them talk about the importance of accountability. Even Christian organizations will emphasize this important step. But, did you know, accountability as we define it is actually nowhere in the Bible? There are Biblical principles of confession…
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Sharing Your Story with Family: Thoughts on Shame, Grace, and Loss
It’s a question so many women have: How am I supposed to tell my family? My husband? My kids? My parents? Perhaps you didn’t know this. Maybe you did. But my family doesn’t talk about what I do. It’s a complicated dynamic. Along with fierce loyalty and love, there’s some…
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When Porn is Stuck in Your Head
You know what’s tricky about pornography? It’s portable. If you have an issue with drugs or alcohol, you can put physical distance between you and your vice. But if I lock you in a room with access to absolutely nothing, you can still struggle with pornography. I get it. I’ve…
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Pornography on Lockdown: Navigating External Triggers
This is the last post in a series of three on the topic of triggers. In the first, I talked about identifying triggers. In the second, I talked about what to do with internal triggers. This post is going to focus on dealing with external triggers and, as promised, there…
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Why God Doesn’t Just Stop You From Watching Porn
At the height of my addiction to pornography, I prayed God would stop me from watching. The process went something like this: I would think about porn all day long. I would get back to my dorm room, sit down at my computer, log in, open up the browser, type…
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Accountability is not confession
As we start up this series on Accountability, it is important that we have a clear understanding of what, exactly, we are talking about. A basic definition of accountability is this: Refusing to fight for freedom all on my own and inviting someone specific to join me in the fight. Some…
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Triggers: Identifying Every-day Things That Can Lead to Lust
Over the years, I have often written or spoken about triggers. Usually, when I do, I get an e-mail from someone asking: “What does it mean to ‘find your triggers?’ What does that look like?” I realize that as a former addict who knows her triggers, it is ‘easy’ for…