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Resource Review: Unwanted by Jay Stringer
Today, I’m reviewing Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer. As a friendly reminder, as is the case for all of my reviews, I buy these books personally and read them cover-to-cover before I share them with you. No paid endorsements here and no quick skims and half-hearted summaries. The only commission I make is through sharing affiliate links like the one below. If it’s not worth my time and money, it’s not worth yours. I want to say I’ve met Jay before but honestly, I don’t know. Maybe? I think we follow each other on social media… maybe? At any rate, his is a…
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Should We Just Watch Porn Together?
This conversation recently went down in the “community” section of an app I use. “I really wish my husband would stop watching porn. He keeps telling me he’s going to stop but our accounts are linked so I can see that he’s looking at porn at work.” “Girl, give it up and just ask to watch it with him! Watch it together!” And this is an email I got in response to a recent blog post: “I think a woman should tell her husband what type of porn she watches so they can watch it together. That’s what a strong woman would do.” So, clearly, we need to talk about…
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No, Singleness is Not a Punishment
I think this is why I’m still single. I don’t think God will ever allow me to get married. Not after what I’ve done. Before you run away, this is not another post on how “singleness is a gift” and how marriage will happen if you “are just content” or “just trust God enough.” I saw my share of those posts as a single woman and they just aren’t helpful. Singleness can be hard. Very hard and I’m not here to discredit that or ignore the fact that sometimes it feels like torture to watch all of your college roommates get married, or to be a bridesmaid in 20 different…
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Should I Get Married if I’m Addicted to Porn?
If you read my last post on saving sex for marriage, you might have caught that this is a topic I’m becoming increasingly more passionate about. My husband and I enjoy a beautiful, strong, marriage and it’s something I honestly wish for everyone. I believe it’s what God wants for us, and so many marriages are really hurting. I had to take a break after finishing that last post because my heart was so heavy. This month, we’re launching into a series that will tackle just a few of the questions I get regarding pornography and marriage. For the sake of every post in this series, I’m going to be…
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Resource Review: Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher
My last post addressed the question, “Does God Really Want Me to Save Sex for Marriage?” In it, I mentioned this book Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher. I read this book through in January and, now that I’ve finished it, felt it was worth writing a quick review. I do this on occasion and hope to increase the frequency this year. On that note, I recently redid the resource page! Check it out for a more streamlined collection of books, videos, courses, and groups specifically for women who struggle with pornography. I’m also going to link up all of the book reviews I’ve done over the…
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Does God Hate Me for Struggling with Porn?
As part of this Does God series, I really wanted to address a question I get quite often, “Does God hate me for struggling?” It’s not always so direct. Sometimes the woman has already answered it in her heart and mind: I’ve stopped praying because I’m such a hypocrite. I know God must be sick of me. There’s no way God could keep loving me. I open my Bible and feel like such a failure. This is a topic and angle of this struggle that is near and dear to my heart. The shame that so many women face in their struggle with pornography does great damage. It drives a…
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Thirty Things You Can Do to Break Free in the New Year
I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, but this time of year, they’re a thing. In the past couple years, for whatever reason, I’ve grown fond of the practice of choosing a word for the year. This year’s word was “trust.” Throughout the year, I’ll meditate on that word and what it means and how it’s supposed to impact my life. That’s not to say that New Year’s resolutions are a bad thing. They aren’t. Setting goals? Starting with a clean slate? Never bad things. For many of you, you desperately want next year to be the year. If that’s you, I wanted to throw together a list of things…
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Three Mindsets that Keep You From Freedom
Has anyone ever told you to “get out of your head?” I am an INTJ and an Enneagram 4w5 so being in my head is basically my absolute favorite place to be. I will think myself into all sorts of trouble. It can be a great asset when planning ahead for things, but it tends to be a weakness in many areas. We often talk about how our mind is a battlefield. If you do or have struggled with lust, fantasy, or pornography, you’ve heard this. You’ve heard that you have to win this war in your mind. Some people talk about learning to “change the channel” when inappropriate thoughts…
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What Does Accountability Look Like in Marriage?
Is your marriage a safe place to struggle? Lately, I’ve been writing a lot about accountability. It’s perhaps one of the most important and yet misunderstood aspects of a freedom journey. If you write me about your struggle with pornography and ask what you should do, the very first thing I will tell you is you need to share your story with someone (other than me). That’s not because you need a babysitter or because you need shamed. It’s because that’s the first step in tearing down shame and reestablishing community. Pornography, by its nature, is isolating. Shame, by its nature, isolates even more and shrouds in lies. So, sharing…