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What Does it Mean to Marry a “Leader?”
I’ve seen a lot of talk in my circles recently about Christian women needing to marry a leader. I actually recorded a video on the topic for Instagram but then never posted it. Let me tell you the tale of two Instagram accounts. The first will remain unnamed, but it is an account that specializes in responding to bad relationship advice. It blew me away the number of “Christian” men who had absolutely horrid dating advice. Horrid. Misogynistic, unBiblical “standards” that they are preaching as gospel truth. Just the other day he posted a video response to a man who said “real” men don’t let women set boundaries, provide for…
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What Do I Need to Do to Stop Watching Porn?
If you want to break free from a struggle with pornography, you may be wondering: What do I need to do to stop watching porn? What do I need to give up? Is there some sort of trick? Different “experts” may have different strategies. When I was first beginning my journey of freedom, the “course” I was using called for “radical amputation” of any sort of electronic device. No TV. No smartphone. This, the author believed, was the equivalent of “gouging out your right eye” which is what Jesus says in Matthew 5:29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it…
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I’m a Christian Woman Who Struggled with Porn. This is the Hardest Part About Sharing My Story.
In 2009, I started sharing my story about my struggle with porn addiction. I did so anonymously at first because I didn’t want to deal with people knowing this was my story. I felt like I was the only woman in that world who had this struggle. No one needed to hear my story. No one cared. In late 2010, I stood in a room at a conference in Canada. I was leading a breakout session for women on the topic of lust and the room was packed. Every chair was full, women stood around the room, and some even sat on the floor near where I was speaking. The…
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What Do You Do When Confession Has Consequences?
When it comes to breaking free from pornography and other sexual sins, I talk a lot about confession. In fact, if you email me (or have emailed me) asking what you should do to help start your freedom journey, my answer will always be “you need to tell someone.” There’s a reason for that, but there’s also a lot of fear around “confessing.” What if I confess and they get mad? What if I confess and they don’t care? What if I confess and I am punished? I think it’s unfortunate that we as Christians so often use confession similar to how it is used in a crime documentary. We…
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The Flirtation Experiment and Why Intimacy Matters
“When does the love fade away?” I was sitting in hair and makeup with Brittni De La Mora, a former porn actress and now leader of XXXchurch and Love Always Ministries. Brittni and I were speaking on a panel for CBN’s Unhooked: Purity in a Pornified World. It’s not often that I get an opportunity to talk with women in similar places of ministry and life. Brittni and her husband got married in 2016. My husband and I got married in 2018. We each had girls, three months apart. So, sitting in the room with her felt like an opportunity to gain some wisdom. My husband and I were just…
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Boundaries, Discernment, and Why You Might Reconsider Redeeming Love
It’s as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I was a first-year student at Bible college and had just confessed to a years-long struggle with hardcore pornography. My three roommates didn’t know. They just knew I had stuff I was working through. During free time one day, one of my roommates looked up from the book she was reading. “Guys! Listen to this!” She began to quote several sentences from a “sex scene” in the book. It was veiled, and definitely not anything like the sex scenes I used to read at school on the library computers. Still, I recognized one when I heard one. She read…
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Take “Break Free From Porn” Off Your To Do List
How many times have you told yourself this time will be the last time? Have you ever tried to quit watching pornography? Stop masturbating? Stop lusting? Then you have probably discovered it isn’t exactly easy. It seems like it should be, right? Isn’t this what God wants us to do? Doesn’t He want us to stop? You would think, then, that we would just be able to wake up one day and that’s it. It’s over. We’re done and never look back. Easy peasy. Isn’t that what so many pastors seem to preach? Just stop. You want to stop. You try to stop. So why can’t you stop? It might…
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Tips for Fighting Temptation During the Holidays
Is this time of year hard for you when it comes to your struggle? You would think all of the focus on gratitude and Jesus coming to earth would make it less likely for us to struggle. But that’s just not how it works. It’s important to remember that your struggle does not start when you pick up your phone or log on to your computer. It starts before that, and it can seem so much worse this time of year. Why? Well, if you’re in school, you are finishing up exams (hello, stress) followed by free time. If you are away from home, you’re coming back to family (and…
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How Do I Protect My Child from Pornography? Resources for Parents
If you’re a parent in this digital age, you may be wondering, “How do I protect my child from pornography?” or “What do I do when my child has seen pornography?” This question is especially important as children are around technology and the internet for hours every day, especially those in school. Just how easy is it for children to find pornography? I’m glad you asked! But, you’re asking the wrong question. Stop assuming that your child has to be the one looking for pornography. Instead, ask yourself how easy is it for pornography to find your child. No parent wants to imagine that their kindergartener is going to go…
