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Three Mindsets that Keep You From Freedom
Has anyone ever told you to “get out of your head?” I am an INTJ and an Enneagram 4w5 so being in my head is basically my absolute favorite place to be. I will think myself into all sorts of trouble. It can be a great asset when planning ahead for things, but it tends to be a weakness in many areas. We often talk about how our mind is a battlefield. If you do or have struggled with lust, fantasy, or pornography, you’ve heard this. You’ve heard that you have to win this war in your mind. Some people talk about learning to “change the channel” when inappropriate thoughts…
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When Porn is Stuck in Your Head
You know what’s tricky about pornography? It’s portable. If you have an issue with drugs or alcohol, you can put physical distance between you and your vice. But if I lock you in a room with access to absolutely nothing, you can still struggle with pornography. I get it. I’ve been there. In the middle of church, all of the sudden thinking about porn. While I’d be praying. While I’d be working on school work. While I’d be reading my Bible. While someone else was talking to me. There are many of you in the same place. You’re doing your best to stay away from it, trying to be free,…
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“Boys Will Be Boys” is Killing our Men
Where do I even start? The past few weeks have been filled with sexual assault in the news. There was the case of the high school student in Florida who had sex with several boys in the high school bathroom while dozens more watched. As a former teacher, that got under my skin. I’ve had students sneak away and have sex though. Yes, even at a Christian school. But this? The Stanford rape case? Is making my blood boil. Few things in life get me fired up, but raping a drunk stranger in an alley, behind a dumpster? And then passing it off like she wanted it, like she liked…
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Triggers: Identifying Every-day Things That Can Lead to Lust
Over the years, I have often written or spoken about triggers. Usually, when I do, I get an e-mail from someone asking: “What does it mean to ‘find your triggers?’ What does that look like?” I realize that as a former addict who knows her triggers, it is ‘easy’ for me to say “find your triggers.” For those of you in the middle of your struggle, though, and even for those struggling to stay out, marching in and saying, “Find your triggers” is about as helpful as walking in and telling you to factor a perfect square trinomial. As a former math teacher, I know exactly what I am talking…
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Break Free From Lust in Six Easy Steps
A young woman wrote in asking me why there couldn’t be a twelve-step program for breaking free from pornography. How many of us would jump at the offer of “Six Easy Steps to Break Free From Pornography”? It would be great! A best-seller, and a world-changer… But that’s not how it works. Our Golden Cow We like easy. We wish that freedom were easy. We want freedom to be reliant on our own strength. Really, we want to maintain some semblance of control. We want to know what we have to do to break free. If you’ve ever read through the story of Israel as captured in the Old Testament,…