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Boundaries, Discernment, and Why You Might Reconsider Redeeming Love
It’s as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I was a first-year student at Bible college and had just confessed to a years-long struggle with hardcore pornography. My three roommates didn’t know. They just knew I had stuff I was working through. During free time one day, one of my roommates looked up from the book she was reading. “Guys! Listen to this!” She began to quote several sentences from a “sex scene” in the book. It was veiled, and definitely not anything like the sex scenes I used to read at school on the library computers. Still, I recognized one when I heard one. She read…
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Is it OK to Fantasize About My Husband?
In the last series, I wrote a post on fantasy and, at the end, mentioned a question I have been asked, “Is it OK to fantasize about my husband?” First, I’m assuming the husband in question is 1) your husband 2) your actual husband and 3) your real-life actual husband. And when I refer to “fantasy” I’m referring to sexual fantasy, not that daydream where you come home and find the house is vacuumed and he’s done all the dishes and cooked a 5-star meal. For some, those may be one in the same. (After all, the saying goes, “sex starts in the kitchen.”) In other words, this question is…
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Should We Treat Porn Like Cheating?
Should We Consider Porn the Same as Cheating? Here’s how the scenario seems to play out in a male struggler/female partner relationship. The woman catches the man watching pornography and the following conversation starts something like this: How can you watch that stuff? Why are you choosing those women over me? I’m right here. Am I not good enough for you? You don’t really love me. You love those fake women on that screen. What!? No! It’s not like that. Of course I love you. Of course I think you’re beautiful. Liar. If you really meant it, you would stop. And the communication continues to degrade. The trust continues to…
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Does God Have a Problem with Fantasy?
Aside from pornography, it is the most popular topic of questions I get. Is it ok to fantasize? What if I fantasize and don’t masturbate? What if I’m fantasizing about my future husband? What if I’m fantasizing about my actual husband? What if we never “go all the way” in my fantasy? Is it wrong to imagine what sex is like? I feel like there’s an easy way to tackle this and a more complicated way. The easy way to address this is to just come right out and say, “fantasy is wrong.” If you’ve been exposed to church for any length of time, you have probably heard a sermon…
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Let’s Talk About Christian Romance Novels
Tis the season for snow-kissed romance. Now is the time when all the single ladies (and plenty of us married ladies) are snuggling up under a big fuzzy blanket in warm socks with a cup of hot chocolate watching romantic movie after romantic movie. Actually, it’s never been my thing, personally. The hot chocolate, fuzzy blanket and warm socks, absolutely! I’m not necessarily into the romance movies, but I know it is a thing for a lot of women. And that’s ok. Sort of. Let’s talk about it. “Can you please address what is wrong with Christian romance novels?” To be honest, I haven’t really addressed this much throughout the…
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Three Mindsets that Keep You From Freedom
Has anyone ever told you to “get out of your head?” I am an INTJ and an Enneagram 4w5 so being in my head is basically my absolute favorite place to be. I will think myself into all sorts of trouble. It can be a great asset when planning ahead for things, but it tends to be a weakness in many areas. We often talk about how our mind is a battlefield. If you do or have struggled with lust, fantasy, or pornography, you’ve heard this. You’ve heard that you have to win this war in your mind. Some people talk about learning to “change the channel” when inappropriate thoughts…
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Hit Me With Your Best Shock: How 50 Shades Has Captured Women
Behind every tidal wave of culture is an earth-shaking pain. Everything that enrages us (or at the least offends us) as Christians, stems from a place of brokenness in the life of the offender. Somewhere, a message was missed. Somewhere, we fell short of God’s glory and became OK with being there. The same is true when it comes to this new wave of erotica, spurred by the book, “50 Shades of Grey.” Fifty Shades has revealed something in the subconscious of our culture. Like an MRI gives us a picture of the innermost workings of our brains, the trends of culture gives us a picture of the innermost workings…
