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The Pornification of Evangelical Christian Women
Over the years, as I’ve recovered and perhaps deconstructed my own experience in the purity culture, I’ve noticed a sad trend. It’s one I’ve written about many times, but it’s the reality that, so often, in many churches, our approach to sex and marriage looks almost identical to pornography. A friend of mine, Luke Gilkerson, recently wrote a review of a new book, It’s Good to Be a Man. I won’t link the book, but his review is here. I got partway through his review before I wanted to buy the book just so I could throw it at a wall. He summarizes the book as pointing out three “uniquely…
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What Does it Mean to Marry a “Leader?”
I’ve seen a lot of talk in my circles recently about Christian women needing to marry a leader. I actually recorded a video on the topic for Instagram but then never posted it. Let me tell you the tale of two Instagram accounts. The first will remain unnamed, but it is an account that specializes in responding to bad relationship advice. It blew me away the number of “Christian” men who had absolutely horrid dating advice. Horrid. Misogynistic, unBiblical “standards” that they are preaching as gospel truth. Just the other day he posted a video response to a man who said “real” men don’t let women set boundaries, provide for…
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Boundaries, Discernment, and Why You Might Reconsider Redeeming Love
It’s as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I was a first-year student at Bible college and had just confessed to a years-long struggle with hardcore pornography. My three roommates didn’t know. They just knew I had stuff I was working through. During free time one day, one of my roommates looked up from the book she was reading. “Guys! Listen to this!” She began to quote several sentences from a “sex scene” in the book. It was veiled, and definitely not anything like the sex scenes I used to read at school on the library computers. Still, I recognized one when I heard one. She read…
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How Do I Protect My Child from Pornography? Resources for Parents
If you’re a parent in this digital age, you may be wondering, “How do I protect my child from pornography?” or “What do I do when my child has seen pornography?” This question is especially important as children are around technology and the internet for hours every day, especially those in school. Just how easy is it for children to find pornography? I’m glad you asked! But, you’re asking the wrong question. Stop assuming that your child has to be the one looking for pornography. Instead, ask yourself how easy is it for pornography to find your child. No parent wants to imagine that their kindergartener is going to go…
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Porn and Parenting: How to talk to Your Child about Porn
As part of the Porn and Parenting Series, I reached out to my friend, Chris, at Protect Young Eyes. PYE shows “families, schools, and churches how to create safer digital spaces. Through a pretty great website, super fly presentations, and a unique learning app for parents who have ZERO free time.” Chris’s approach to porn as a parent is refreshing and unique. He believes that your kids don’t need controlled, they need coached, and it’s an approach that I believe is hugely effective. This content originally appeared at Protect Young Eyes and has been republished by Beggar’s Daughter with permission. Parents, this blog post will require around 7 minutes of your time – 7…
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The Best Age to Begin Talking to Kids About Pornography
As part of this Porn and Parenting series, I wanted to reach out to some friends who are experts in teaching parents how to talk to their kids about pornography. Today’s post is from Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids and Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds; producer of the Brain Defense (TM): Digital Safety curriculum; Founder of ProtectYoungMinds.org (now DEFEND Young Minds!); owner and CEO of Glen Cove Press, LLC. I’ve had to privilege of presenting alongside Kristen at several events and have seen her heart for protecting young kids from the effects of pornography. Her book…
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Three Signs You Are Exploiting People
In 2021, Simone Biles made headlines during the Tokyo Olympics when she stepped away from the competition for mental health reasons. While most responses I saw were understanding, encouraging, and even empowering, there were plenty of people that seemed to take personal offense to her decision. How dare she. She was called a quitter, selfish, even a sociopath. Christian commentator, Matt Walsh, called her an embarrassment and “in some ways an appropriate representation of a country that has gone soft.” Oof. Several times as I’ve read news articles and comments on social media of people expressing their disappointment and chastising her, I’ve wanted to remind them that she doesn’t owe…
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Resource Review: We Too by Mary DeMuth
The purpose of this blog isn’t just to address women struggling with pornography, but really to change the conversation about women and sexuality in the church. How does grace impact our struggles and intersect with our wounds? How can the church immitate the love and grace of God while addressing things like sexual addiction, sexual identity, and sexual abuse? Since I just finished up the series addressing porn in the church, I wanted to highlight a resource that addresses another issue in the church: Sexual abuse. As a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of someone in my church, this is something I hold dear. I’ve written about it…
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Pastors, How You Preach About Sex Matters.
Pastor, let me ask you a question. How do you talk about sex in church? Better yet, do you talk about sex in church? The longer I am at this, the more I am convinced that how we, as Christians, talk about sex matters. We idolize virginity. For decades, the church at large has adopted a mindset solely focused on purity. When I was a teenager, purity pledges and purity rings were all the rage. But purity was really just a Christian way to say “abstinence.” Our message about sex was “don’t you dare do it before you’re married. If you do, you are forever marked. Your spouse will be…
