Featured
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Resources for Helping Pastors Address Pornography
(Updated August 2023) As we wrap up the Porn in Church series, I wanted to round up some resources for pastors. Before I do that, though, I wanted to offer this quick word of encouragement and “advice” if I may. It is very important for you to realize when you’re in over your head. Pastors and ministry leaders have a unique position of being the “go to” person for the people in their care. Rebellious teenager? Go to the pastor. Struggling with an eating disorder? Ask the leader for help. Some leaders get drunk off that power trip and love pretending to be the source of answers for everything and…
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On Culture, Sex, Influence, and Why Personal Responsibility Matters
Before we start the Porn in Church series, I wanted to take a minute and talk about the importance of personal responsibility. We talk a lot about “accountability” in Christian circles. It’s the idea that we answer to other people and if you’re on a journey of recovery from porn use, then you’ve for sure heard it. In fact I’ve written several posts about it. But personal responsibility is probably equally, if not more, important than the idea of accountability. Accountability, the way we use it, says “others can check in on me and I answer to them.” It’s the motive behind things like accountability software, like Covenant Eyes, or…
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Sharing Your Story with Family: Thoughts on Shame, Grace, and Loss
It’s a question so many women have: How am I supposed to tell my family? My husband? My kids? My parents? Perhaps you didn’t know this. Maybe you did. But my family doesn’t talk about what I do. It’s a complicated dynamic. Along with fierce loyalty and love, there’s some toxic shame and legalism and blame that likes to creep in to the fibers of our family. Some conversations just feel like they aren’t worth the fall out. So, I just kept my book out of the conversation, and my family did too- at least to my face. Then my husband-to-be read it. Since that’s literally how he and I…
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“Boys Will Be Boys” is Killing our Men
Where do I even start? The past few weeks have been filled with sexual assault in the news. There was the case of the high school student in Florida who had sex with several boys in the high school bathroom while dozens more watched. As a former teacher, that got under my skin. I’ve had students sneak away and have sex though. Yes, even at a Christian school. But this? The Stanford rape case? Is making my blood boil. Few things in life get me fired up, but raping a drunk stranger in an alley, behind a dumpster? And then passing it off like she wanted it, like she liked…