Sex & Singleness

(Why You Need to) Talk to Your Kids About Sex

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I’ve said it for a while, “Whoever tells your kids about sex first is who they will listen to.”  Of course, I know that’s very daunting, especially for Christian parents.

For whatever reason, Christian parents in general have a really (and I mean really) hard time talking to their kids about sex.  There’s this desire to hold out for as long as possible, with some parents not even talking with their kids at all… ever.

A couple years ago, my old youth pastor contacted me and asked me for some advice.  He was getting ready to talk with the youth group about sex and pornography, and had found out through an anonymous survey that for 90% of the teens in the youth group, their parents had never broached the topic of sex.

90 %

And these were teenagers.  Please tell me I’m not the only one who sees this as a problem.  Parents, do you understand how important you are in this?

When it comes to the fighting pornography, parents are our strongest weapon.

It’s not just about protecting your children.  That is definitely important.  You should also prepare them to encounter pornography. Good Pictures, Bad Pictures is a great tool for this as well.

But more than protecting them, and preparing them to encounter pornography, you have to be proactive in talking to your kids about sex.  You could take away all of their electronics, and monitor all of their activity, but keeping out the “bad sex” doesn’t teach them anything about the “good sex.”

We’re Christians.  We should be experts in good sex. We should be teaching kids about good sex.

Oh, that sounds scandalous, doesn’t it?

Teaching kids about good sex?  What kind of show are you running here, Jessica!?

The show in which the alternatives are to lie to your children and tell them sex is horrible (never ends well), or where you stay silent and they learn about sex from their friends, or, worse yet, porn.  For the record, porn is a terrible sex ed teacher.

Admittedly, I don’t focus on parents too much, because I’m not one.  I take issue when the inexperienced act as experts.  I don’t like when the person who got married at 21 tries to tell me how to be single, so I’m not about ready to try to tell people how to be a parent.

That’s why I’m going to let parents do that for me.  *grin*

My friends, Luke and Trisha Gilkerson, are parents of four lively little lads, including an adorable set of twins.  Trish is a licensed counselor and Luke used to work for Covenant Eyes.  I have worked with Luke for years and have always appreciated his very blunt and down-to-earth approach to things like sex and pornography.

A couple years ago, they put together this great book called “The Talk” and it’s all about a holistic, Biblical, and anatomically correct approach to sex.  Again, I’m not a parent, but it has 77 five-star reviews on Amazon, so there’s that.

Luke and Trisha have taken it to the next level and made a video series on how to discuss sex with your children.

It launches June 25 with some great resources for you if you sign up early.  For now, though, you can start with this Free mini course.

I may not be a parent, but I have been a teacher.  I have worked with teenage girls who struggle with sex and porn addictions, and I can tell you that, parents, they need you.  As awkward and as embarrassing as it might be, they need you.  They need you to sit down and share the truth first, before the world pumps them full of lies.