Why are We Obsessed with Sex?

I have said many times that we live in a sex-obsessed society.  I didn’t quite grasp how true that was until I watched a year-end news report that says sexual content was searched for 90 times more than any other search term.

By day I’m a math teacher, so let me break that down for you.  Let’s say the second most popular search term was ‘football.’  (I have no idea what the second most-searched actually is).

If football was searched for 1,000 times, ‘sex’ was searched for 90,000 times.

So here’s my question:  Why?

It’s not like it’s breaking news.  It’s not like it is rare.  Our very lives are proof of its existence.  You know people are not researching it for school projects, and you know it has nothing to do with work.  It is a common fact of life, right up there with brushing your teeth.

So if it isn’t new, isn’t rare, and isn’t unheard of- what makes us go online looking for it?  Why are we obviously obsessed, not with sex, but with sex online?

The Lure of the Forbidden

If you want my honest answer, other than our own depravity as human beings, I think we the church aided this epidemic.  We wrapped up sex in an itty bitty little box and put a big sign on it that says, “Don’t touch.”  You know people don’t listen.

From the beginning, we humans have had this desire to touch wet paint.  When Eve was told not to eat the fruit, what did she do?  She debated it, reasoned with herself, and eventually determined that it was OK.  She was wrong, and we all live with those consequences, but none of us have learned our lesson.

We still touch wet paint today.  We don’t like being told what not to do.  We don’t like being told we don’t know something, can’t do something or can’t have something.  The forbidden calls us.

But should sex even be ‘forbidden!?”

Answer: No.

For decades, the church has been silent on sex.  Growing up, I never even heard about it in my church.  I heard about virginity, but don’t even know if I knew what that meant.  I heard about purity, which had something to do with virginity and marriage and ‘saving myself’ (whatever that meant).

I heard about how I shouldn’t touch boys, talk to boys, dress like boys, play soccer with the boys, sit near the boys, or anything else with boys. True love waits.  No questions.

Bad.  Dirty.  Evil.  Sinful.  Wrong.  That was the church message.

But that isn’t God’s message.

How can we the body of Christ sit here and demonize sex and sexuality when there is a whole book of the Bible dedicated to it?  It’s true.  Read Song of Solomon.

There’s all kinds of sexual chatter and it’s obvious that there’s nudity.  How else can breasts be like fawns and navels be like wine goblets?  Many a teenager are fascinated by Song of Solomon.  They know what it’s talking about and they say, “That’s in the Bible?”

Well, of course it’s in the Bible!  Sex was God’s idea.

THAT is the message of the Bible.  Sex is a beautiful, God-given expression of love between a man and his wife.  It’s something to be anticipated, to be cherished because it mirrors the love of God.

The message of sex is a beautiful and powerful one.  We’ve spent so much time as a church and as a Christian community trying to keep people away from it.  Why?  I actually don’t know.  Maybe we were afraid that people wouldn’t know how to act if the pulpit said, “Sex is good.”

So, we lied instead.  That’s what we have done when we give sex such a horrible name.  We’ve lied.  We who are supposed to be the lights of Truth, lied, and no one listens to a liar.

We really shouldn’t be appalled when people turn somewhere else for their education on sex.  We’ve told them not to ask us. We shouldn’t be upset when people think that we are out of touch with reality.  We have said we don’t know their struggle.

Then, when they turn around and get this warped view of sex and its intentions, we get upset- offended even.  Don’t they know the message?  Don’t they know the purpose of sex?  Don’t they know that God has a plan and a purpose?

How can they if we’ve never told them!?

We really shouldn’t be shocked when people trash sex and rob it of its message.  Our methods were different, but we did the exact same thing.


  1. Well said! One of my favorite quotes: “To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs, and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.” — Don Schrader”

  2. “The message of sex is a beautiful and powerful one. We’ve spent so much time as a church and as a Christian community trying to keep people away from it. Why? I actually don’t know. Maybe we were afraid that people wouldn’t know how to act if the pulpit said, “Sex is good.””

    Just wanted to add: This is it exactly–the church is deathly afraid of acknowledging–let alone delighting–in the sensual beauty of sexual intimacy in marriage.