I recently wrote about struggling with male attention addiction. For some of us, as we recover from a lust addiction, we have a hard time viewing men as people instead of studs. For others, that isn’t a problem, because they aren’t into porn for the men.
Some women are into porn for the women.
While that might seem to be an entirely different class of problems, don’t be too quick to jump to that conclusion. There are different ways to understand this idea of being ‘into porn for the women.’ Honestly, all of us, upon further evaluation, might find ourselves into porn for the women. Maybe there are more, but I can think of three solid camps of thought in regard to this.
Why a woman is “into” women in porn
1. “I am attracted to women.”
This is a real issue presenting today. Same-sex attraction is a real problem women face, yes, even women in your church. If pornography carries a stigma, the stigma surrounding same-sex attraction is far greater. If you are one of these women, I can only imagine how difficult this walk must be for you. Please remember you are not alone, and you are never beyond the reach and redemptive power of the grace of God.
I, personally, never fell into this camp (in fact, thinking I might be in this camp scared me to death– see #2). However, if you are a woman who battles same-sex attraction and a pornography addiction, know that you are certainly not alone. In fact, get in touch with Amy over at walkinginfreedom.net. She gets where you are coming from.
2. “Am I attracted to women?”
This does not present as an attraction. This shows up as you try to explain the reason you might be addicted to pornography. Because pornography is so loudly spoken of among male circles, it is understood to be a predominantly male sin. So, when a woman is addicted to pornography, she has what would be viewed as a ‘man’s’ addiction. That poses a problem, since she is not, in fact, a man.
I was once caught red-handed in my sin, but the woman who caught me said, “We know this wasn’t you, women just don’t have this problem.” Those words rattled me. I was a woman, wasn’t I? Wasn’t I? Maybe I was really a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Why else would I be struggling so much with this sin? That was the only explanation. Oh great, now I think I might be bisexual. This is fantastic.
3. I’ve seen it all before.
I think this might be one of Satan’s favorite lies. I struggled with this a lot. I somehow convinced myself that the only sin in pornography was seeing naked men and watching people have sex. Therefore, it was perfectly fine, moral, and acceptable to watch women or to play games that only involved watching women. It’s no big deal, I thought, I have the same parts. What’s the harm in this?
For the record, the harm in it is the fact that there is no such thing as a porn site that only has women (at least, not in my experience- what with ads and all). Beyond that, repetitive consumption of women-only will train your brain to only respond to women, which drags you into the first category- a woman attracted to women. There’s no such thing as weaning yourself off pornography. There is no detox plan that involves dropping the hardcore, watching women-only porn for five weeks and then poof, you’re free.
You don’t accidentally back into freedom, you have to intentionally walk in it.
Where you fit
I think every woman, to some degree, could find herself into porn for the women. You may not fit into one of the ‘categories’ above, but those aren’t the only reasons. Some women watch porn to see how the women act so they can mirror it. Some women watch porn and imagine themselves in that woman’s place, getting that love, affection, attention and pleasure.
Where to go from here
Regardless of your reason for being in pornography, the way out is the same. The struggles along that way may look different. A woman struggling with same sex attraction may not have a problem with trying to get the attention of men. She will have her own set of struggles to work through, but the starting point and ending point are the same.
We start in our sin and we end in Christ. That’s the journey for all of us, porn addict or not. That is the journey we all must take, and it is a journey overshadowed by the cross of Christ. He loves us each unconditionally, regardless of the sins with which we have entangled ourselves. Never believe that the way you struggle with your sin is too much for Him. His grace is greater.