Blogging has introduced me to so many different perspectives that exist in our sex-crazed world. Christian men inform me that this is usually a man’s topic (thank you; aware). Non-Christian men treat me like I’m supposed to be a woman in one of their porn videos. Non-Christian women cheer me on for being some pro-feminist champion and Christian women look at me like I’ve grown a third eye.
As time has gone by it’s gotten better, but there’s one reaction that makes my blood boil– the elitist Christian mom whose daughters ‘would never.’
I was ‘eavesdropping’ on a forum conversation about Beggar’s Daughter when one such mom, with two young daughters, said this:
I just don’t know what they are thinking!
Can I offer a bit of advice to those dealing with female porn addicts.
never say that to a porn addict. never ask that question.
First off, the question itself is demeaning no matter what you are discussing. Your teenager drives the car into a tree and you ask “What were you thinking!?” You actually do not care what he was thinking. It’s a round about way of calling someone an idiot and is a sure fire way to end a conversation, destroying any opportunity you had to minister.
Second, we don’t have an answer, because most of us honestly do not know what we are thinking.
We ask ourselves the same question all the time. When I first saw my internet history report printed out in front of me, the first question in my head was, “What is wrong with me?”
We chose the sin, yes, but we did not choose it with the consequences.
It came with promises of ecstasy and freedom. It did not come announcing that it would eat away at our self-worth. It failed to mention that it would destroy our ability to love others. It did not say that when it was done, it would leave us a shell of a person, barely breathing, and powerless. It did not warn that it would create a double life riddled with fear, uncertainty, and hopelessness. It did not let us know that once it had us, it would not let us go.
No one chooses that willingly. The devil is a liar; he is a trickster. He preys on the weak.
For someone on the outside looking in, I am sure a porn addiction looks bizarre. But before you open your mouth and do more damage, realize that the woman addicted is more often hurting, not rebelling. She is stuck, more than choosing. She is hopeless, more than determined, and she needs grace more than she needs to give an explanation.
Do not ask her what she is thinking, because her mind and heart are filled with lies.
Ask God what He thinks of her and then let her know, because she can’t really hear Him from where she is. She doesn’t need to give you an answer; she needs your help. She needs you to help turn her ear toward Grace. Toward the One calling her home. Only He truly knows why she is here, and only He can help her get out.