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The Questions Porn Addicts Ask, and the One They Should Be Asking

I get asked a lot of questions.  They aren’t usually about me, they are usually questions another woman is asking about herself.  I just so happen to be in the room, and she is asking me to answer.

A couple weeks ago, I spoke at Union University in Tennessee.  I spent my second day there meeting one-on-one with women who struggle with lust sins.  One, in particular, was just full of questions:

Why did this happen?

How did this happen?

I was never supposed to be this girl.  How did I get here?

How could I let this happen?

Do you see the common element in those questions?  There is no God.  There is an inward searching for answers, reasons and understanding.  We cannot understand ourselves.  I love how Jeremiah 17:9 is phrased in the ESV.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

Hear that, ladies?  Our hearts are not only deceitful, they’re sick.  Not just sick, really really sick.  In the King James it says our hearts are wicked.  How’s that for a boost to your self-worth?

So then if our hearts are deceitful and really messed up (Jessica’s paraphrase), what is the point of looking to our heart for answers?

I know it is hard.  I know we want them.  We want some sort of understanding, some kind of closure.  We need something to hold on to.  Which leads to a whole new cluster of questions:

How do I stop this?

Why can’t I stop doing this?

How do I get rid of these feelings?

Why do I keep going back when I know it’s wrong?

We’re still looking to our heart for answers.  We believe that if we can figure out how we got here, we can just trace our steps out.  Fact is, you got yourself here because you are a human, guilty of having a heart that is tricked and completely messed up.  So since your tricky, messed up, achey brakey (had to throw that in here) heart got you here, it’s best not to listen to it to try and get out.

Stop asking how.  Accept your own choices, take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge that while no one wakes up dreaming about being addicted to lust, you are.  There is no going back and changing it so stop fussing about how it happened.  Instead ask the one question you need to be asking– the one question that will help you walk in freedom:

How do I honor God in this moment?

We make the choice to walk in freedom every moment.  We are presented with opportunities to satisfy our flesh or glorify God.  Instead of looking at freedom like some huge mountain, or some climb out of a deep valley, look at it as a series of steps, and look forward.  Quit being distracted by all the should-have, would-have, and could-haves.  Ask the one question you need to ask, and honor God moment by moment.

One comment

  1. Funnily enough, I just had this very conversation with myself this morning. It started off with a memory, followed by a “I wish I had never…” kind of thought. At some point in the that thought, the “no use crying over spilt milk” idea finally came to me. The past just IS. No changing it. No point regretting it. I can only change the here and now, and the future.
    So thankful I found your blog!