-
Let’s Talk About Christian Romance Novels
Tis the season for snow-kissed romance. Now is the time when all the single ladies (and plenty of us married ladies) are snuggling up under a big fuzzy blanket in warm socks with a cup of hot chocolate watching romantic movie after romantic movie. Actually, it’s never been my thing, personally. The hot chocolate, fuzzy blanket and warm socks, absolutely! I’m not necessarily into the romance movies, but I know it is a thing for a lot of women. And that’s ok. Sort of. Let’s talk about it. “Can you please address what is wrong with Christian romance novels?” To be honest, I haven’t really addressed this much throughout the…
-
Why God Doesn’t Just Stop You From Watching Porn
At the height of my addiction to pornography, I prayed God would stop me from watching. The process went something like this: I would think about porn all day long. I would get back to my dorm room, sit down at my computer, log in, open up the browser, type in the web address, and before hitting enter, I would say, “Ok, God. I don’t really want to do this. I need Your help. Please don’t let this website work.” Guess what? The website worked every time. And when it loaded, I would feel some sense of justification. “If God really wanted me to stop doing this, He would help…
-
How to Be Grateful in the Midst of Your Struggle
It’s that time of year, filled with thankful trees, Advent candles, Christmas wishes and New Years Resolutions. I decided to launch this week’s blog post a little early so it would be gracing your inbox just in time for Thanksgiving. I debated somehow including a recipe for a killer apple cheesecake pie, but didn’t want to completely destroy my brand. (Seriously though, it’s delicious). If you’re anything like me, you might have woken up this morning and wondered how on earth are you supposed to do this. How can you be grateful and feel joyful when you’re stuck in the middle of a struggle? When you feel mired in negative…
-
Let’s Talk About Masturbation
Masturbation is one of those things Christians don’t like talking about. Because if there’s one thing that Christians are really good at not talking about, it’s sex and anything related to sexual pleasure. So, for decades, I’m sure, masturbation has been the secret struggle whispered in silence (especially for girls), but we really need to talk about this, because people have questions. Is masturbation wrong if I am not lusting? Is it an “all things in moderation” thing? What else is a single girl supposed to do? I would rather my daughter masturbate than go sleep around. What’s wrong with that? I am a widow; is it wrong if I…
-
Holding On to Hope When Everyone Else is Living Your Dreams
The holiday season can be hard for those who are single or struggling, mostly because it seems to highlight what we don’t have. This Christmas, we are heading to Florida to visit my brother, his wife, and my brand new nephew. My brother. My brother who is two years and two months younger than I. My brother, who has been married for two and a half years. My brother who always seems to live his life ahead of mine. To give you a little background on this particular brother and I, we have a long history of him always doing things first. When I was in Jr. High, I ran…
-
True Love Does Not Wait: Are You Waiting for all the Wrong Reasons?
We’re talking about the idea of purity right now and I have to wonder, why so much of the Christian faith seems to center on sex. One of the first books I wanted to write was going to be called, “True Love Does Not Wait.” I said that during a training session once, and a young newly-married Catholic woman sitting beside me said, “Say that again?” While I am all for abstinence, 1) love and sex are different 2) I can still love people, even men, as a single woman 3) I am weary of a generation of young people wasting their lives obsessed with “waiting.” Why do we focus…
-
Question Girls Ask: What Characteristics Should I Look For in a Future Husband?
Recently, I was speaking in New Zealand and had the opportunity to do a city-wide all women’s Q & A specifically addressing the issues of fantasy, pornography, abstinence and singleness. It was amazing, and I would be thrilled to do more of these. The category that seemed to be hit heavily was singleness and how you deal with being single into your 30s, while abstinent, somehow navigating a wasteland between a world that says, “Forget marriage, and just have sex” and a church that says, “Wait? What!? Why aren’t you married yet?” I have written about this before. One of my favorite questions was this: What characteristics should I look…
-
I Don’t Pray for my Future Husband
When I speak at college or high school events, sometimes I’ll get asked about the practice of praying for my future husband. More and more I see it addressed on other blogs and by other speakers on the issue. I used to do this, (and write him as well!) but I don’t anymore, nor do I encourage young women to. I came of age during the True Love Waits Movement. Signing purity pledges, writing love letters to your husband, and praying for your future husband were all standard ‘assignments’ for young Christians who wanted to honor God with their sexuality and their future marriages. I did them all for…
-
When “Everybody Else” is Getting Married
Tomorrow will mark my grandparents’ 62nd wedding anniversary (yes, 62). My brother and his wife just celebrated their first anniversary earlier this week. Next weekend, I’m going to a bridal shower for a friend from college. (My mother was quick to remind me that she is the last single friend I have from college… thanks, Mom) It’s been ten years since I graduated college, and, let me tell you, it never stops. Yet, “it” never seems to make its way over to me. There have definitely been times over the last ten years I’ve thought, “Oh my goodness, everybody else is getting married!” Let me tell you, those times…
