Sex & Singleness

Surviving Singleness Awareness Day… Again

It’s coming.  That dreadful day that reminds us single ladies that we are, in fact, still single, which we, in our dramatic female fashion, interpret as: “I’m never getting married!”  Valentine’s Day is like our own little doomsday!

It’s a day of potential failure because we get romantically discontent.

Valentine’s Day turns to “Singleness Awareness Day” which turns into “I’m never getting married” Day which in turn turns into “I’m never having sex Day” and whenever we jump of that cliff, we are in trouble.

So, before you head down that steep road, bring it in.  Contrary to your heart’s opinion at the moment, it really is not the end of the world for you. There is nothing about Valentine’s Day that puts any mandate on your future at all.

Some single people choose to use Valentine’s Day as a day to serve others.  That’s fantastic.  Here’s my question, though, shouldn’t we be doing that everyday?  Really, choosing to do something else to distract us from our singleness is not technically service.  What are we saying?

“Well, God, since I’m not married, I guess I can just spend this day serving you, that way I don’t have to think about all the romantic stuff all my friends are doing.”

Priority Check: God should be number one, whether we’re married or not.

Not saying service is bad. It’s all about the motivation.  If you are serving on Valentine’s Day as a way to show God you love Him, go for it.  If you’re just doing it because you’re miserable and that seems like a better choice than sitting at home sulking on the couch, you need to check your heart.  Service should never be a burden.  It is a joy to serve the Lover of our Souls.

Here are some tips for surviving Valentine’s Day:

1.  Keep the TV off.  Valentine’s Day TV is full of sex, romance, dating websites, and all sorts of material to tempt you and frustrate your heart.  Do yourself a favor, keep that weakness guarded.

2.  Remember God’s goodness.  It’s easy to get discontent when we’re single and struggling on Valentine’s Day.  We get sidetracked, start questioning God, and can pull away from Him.  Instead, of focusing on all you don’t have, dwell on who He is and what He thinks of you.  Meditate on Psalm 139- He loves you!

3.  Love on people.  Contrary to what Victoria Secret and KY might say, Valentine’s Day is about love, not sex.  You are more than capable of loving people.  You have the Spirit of Love Itself living within you!  Get out and love on people.

Have coffee with friends.  Pay for the person behind you in line.  Write a letter to a friend.  Serve at a soup kitchen.  Find a way to make the day brighter for other people.  When we get self-centered, we get off-focus, and when we get off-focus, we struggle.  We are supposed to minister to each other, to encourage each other and to share the love of Christ with people.

Make it an effort to outsource your love this Valentine’s Day.  Valentine’s is a celebration of love, and you are more than capable of loving.



  1. Although I did not find this until after Valentine’s day, this blog post is still very helpful to me. I find that whenever my friends are experiencing a happy romance, I am usually caught between my genuine happiness for them and my narcissistic pity for myself. I think you’ve outlined a good attitude and a great survival plan to have on any day a woman must face up to the horrid task of wading through emotional sludge with a smile.

  2. I spent V-day with a group of friends playing board games and sipping hot chocolate – best one I’ve had in years!