Surely You can’t be serious.
Ever have that moment with God? I truly hate those moments. They don’t have to be about singleness or sex. They usually happen when we get the idea that God might ask us to change our plans for Him (how dare He).
You want me to be a what?
You want me to go where?
You want me to talk to her!?
You want me to share that?!
With all due respect, Oh Most High Holy, Sovereign, Eternal, Loving, Kind God, have You completely lost touch with my reality?
A couple weeks ago now I was traveling and listening to the radio. On one of the stations a man and woman were debating abortion. The man is pro-life. The woman is pro-abortion. Both are Catholics (in fact, she used to be a nun). As she introduced herself and started to lay the groundwork for her side, she said this,
“Surely God would not want me to die without experiencing sexual love.”
I think some of us face that same dilemma, especially since we struggle with sexual sin. We look at the facts and say, “Alright, God, here’s the deal. This is a big struggle for me and I think You would agree with me that it doesn’t exactly make sense to give me this HUGE sex drive and then not provide a husband. That seems a little unfair don’t You think?”
Need I remind you, selfishness is the root of most sin.
It’s the same stunt the snake pulled in the Garden. “Would God really do that? Did He really say that? He couldn’t possibly mean that?” He capitalized on our own selfishness to make it look like God is the one being selfish. It worked, and it has continued working over the last couple thousand years.
This is a battle I fight often. In times when I have put off nurturing my relationship with God, I get this little whisper in my heart. There is nothing wrong with desire. Sexual desire is good and God-honoring right up until the point I use it in a bad or dishonoring way. Then I have a problem.
When I take my eyes off God and get frustrated and believe that He has it out for me and that He is just trying to torture me, I’m on a fast track back to where He rescued me from.
I am quickly approaching my twenty-seventh birthday. My plan, when I entered my senior year of high school ten years ago, was to be married with two kids by now. That was the plan- my plan, not His plan.
I tried to read all of the books about how to wait the right way, and had two qualms with them. First, they were all written by married women. Telling me it is worth the wait is not the same as telling me how to wait, and I don’t know that you are qualified to identify with my pain if you got married right out of high school. Second, not one of them addressed the fact that women have sex drives.
Now, are there great Christian books out there about being a single Christian woman in her late-20s with a strong desire to be married? Probably. I just stopped looking for them, and this is why.
I owe my life to Christ. Period.
That life includes my sex drive. He gave it to me and if He is choosing not to give me a means through which to express that, I have two choices.
I can keep following Him.
I can do things my own way.
The key to living single with a sex drive is to take it one day at a time. He isn’t asking me to make it to 30 like this. He is simply asking for me in this moment. He is not asking me to have all the answers. He is not asking me to stock up on purity that will last me a lifetime. He is simply asking me to trust Him in this moment.
If you are single, this is a life He has called you to live for right now. He promises to be with us, to help us through it. He knows our struggles, the desires of our hearts and the things for which we long the most. He also knows His plan for us.
In the end, we can rest assured that His love and plan for us are better than sex.
Does that mean He wants us all to be single? No. In fact, for a great read on this subject, pick up Elisabeth Elliot’s book, “Passion and Purity.” She devotes whole sections to this idea of ‘has God called me to be single?’ Her basic point is that if you are single right in this moment, then you are supposed to be single in this moment. Worrying about whether or not you are destined for singleness is not your job.
Too often we worry about the future. I worry about whether I will still be single at 30. Every January first, I map it all out thinking, “Ok, God, it needs to be this year or I won’t be able to have all of the kids I want. Come on! Where is he!? Surely he will come this year!”
You know what our Abba says,
“Dear one, please just trust Me.”
Isn’t He worthy of our trust? Isn’t the One who crossed Heaven and Earth to die for us worthy of our trust? Isn’t the Lover of Our Soul worthy of our Trust? When we live in His plan for the moment, we live in an attitude of surrender, even surrender of our most intimate desires. It is a struggle, a sacrifice. Is He not worthy?2