Sex & Singleness

Silencing the Inner Seductress


They say you can’t have too much of a good thing.  It should be no shock by now that “they” are a bunch of liars.

Recently, the topic of marriage has been surfacing in many of my circles.  This happens sometimes.  It usually goes in cycles, so in a couple weeks they’ll be fussing about something else.  For now, though, the fussing topic of choice is marriage and my choice to be a content single woman.

No, it doesn’t make sense, does it?

The unfortunate truth is, the church has bought into the world’s philosophy of life, we’ve just put a Christianese spin on it.  The world says, “Sex is the whole point of life, so go and be safe.”  The church tweeks that only slightly by saying “sex after marriage is the way to go, therefore get married and in all thy getting, find satisfaction.”  Same scam, different idols.

I am not saying that marriage is a scam.  I truly believe in the beauty and purpose of a God-honoring marriage, and desire that someday.  That means that when I am looking for a future husband I am looking for more in a man than his man-ness.  I am looking for a man that honors and loves God, that cherishes women, that sees marriage as more than permission ‘finally’ to satisfy his desires.  If my standards are too high, then I will happily die searching.

The problem is, my flesh (and possibly my heart) don’t feel like searching until death.

So, there are these times when this inner seductress rears her ugly head and attempts to pedal her wares.  I can adopt the J.G. Wentworth mentality toward marriage- It’s my promise and I need it now.  That attitude can botch everything too!

How do I get her to shut up?  It helps to pray within the will of God.  I firmly believe that God delights in marriage, but I also believe He delights in us more.  He delights when we serve Him and when we do so willingly.

The way I see it, I have a choice.  I can listen to her and go scrounging for a “Biblically-correct” solution to the problem.  I can search and search and waste my time and energy leaving no stone unturned and throwing out all kinds of bait in hopes of catching the right one.  OR.  I can nestle my heart deep within my Saviour and rejoice in His rest.  I can serve Him and spend my energy and devotion on Him and allow Him to control this.  He has proven Himself trustworthy in every other area, so, I don’t know about you, but I think I can trust Him with all of my heart, soul, and mind.



  1. Your standards aren’t too high; the hardest part just seems to be answering the question of “how much am I responsible for, and how much do I leave in the Lord’s hands?”

  2. Good for you! I’m about to celebrate 16 years with a wonderful, godly man. I was one of those “desperate to be married” women. And although I’m very happily married, I definitely see the advantage of being single–your focus can solely be the Lord. So often I find myself consumed by my family.