(This is a continuation from the previous post addressing the idea that women should masturbate before marriage in order to understand their bodies.)
I spent two years as a crisis pregnancy counselor. During my training, one whole session was spent studying the female anatomy and internal reproductive system. We learned about all of the parts, about the ovulation cycle, fertility, pregnancy and birth. In each of our counseling offices was a laminated cross-section of the female reproductive system.
I was amazed by how many women did not know their bodies.
Do I believe it is important for a woman to know her body? Yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt. We ladies don’t have the luxury of having see-through abdomens or having everything on the outside. We need to take time to understand how our bodies work and how God made them. We should know how pregnancy happens (how it really happens, not the “where do babies come from?” answer).
Women should know about things like honeymoon cystitis (a common bacterial infection of the bladder caused by frequent and prolonged sexual intercourse) which can make sex extremely painful. Women should know that right along with the lingerie, they should pack things like lube and uricalm, which kills the pain of bladder infections (because, if you’ve never had one, they hurt– a lot). You should know these things. There are a lot of things on the list that you should know as a woman.
You should know what an orgasm is. You should know what part of your body leads to one. Knowing exactly what one feels like… that’s not on the list.
I love what Sheila Wray Gregoire says in her book “A Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex:”
Ironically, the bad-girl message when it comes to our bodies, sounds quite progressive and woman-positive, which is why we believe it. It says we need to take control of our own sexual satisfaction. We need to be in touch with our own bodies, have fun with ourselves, know what we like, and celebrate our sexuality before we can have any sort of sexual relationship. In fact, the relationship itself is only secondary to our own sexual selves. We need to know how to have an orgasm, know what feels good, and know what we like, all before sex can be good with someone else. To me, this turns our husbands into sex toys rather than partners.
Yet, the approach makes sense. In a world that believes in premarital sex, it is assumed you will have sex with many men. The only constant in your sex life, then, is you. To get sex right, you need to research you. In a Good Girl marriage, though, you know you’re with this man till death do you part. You have time to learn. You don’t have to know what’s good to you; you get to learn what’s good for us.
I love that line “this turns our husbands into sex toys rather than partners.” For me, all of the truth of the problem with masturbation is summed up right there. It robs me of my husband and robs my husband of me. I already know all the right answers and just have to tell him what spots to hit. No discovery. No learning curve. No relationship.
Sex is not going to be about me in marriage. It is about the relationship. So why be selfish about it now?
By all means, ladies, know your body. Just because you watched porn or even masturbated does not mean you understand how your body works. Talk to your doctor. Read up on female fertility and reproduction. It is actually pretty amazing. Get comfortable in your satin and lace, but save the sex for your husband. I am positive he will love the journey of getting to know you.
For more of Sheila’s articles, visit her site, To Love, Honor and Vacuum.