That may all seem bizarre. You may be thinking, “This is supposed to be a ministry to women who struggle with sexual sin.” You’re right, it is! Having real life analogies can help us better understand our struggles.
Many women struggling with sexual sin, come to me looking for the seed.
They are wanting to know what caused their problem in the first place. Sin plays a part in it. Our sinful nature prepares a soil that welcomes any type of bad seed.
So this quest for the seed, while it is important, should be less of a priority than pulling up the plant and reconditioning the soil. That’s where the problem comes in. So many women want to find the seed first, and you can’t, it’s long gone.
They don’t want to deal with the issues lust and pornography have created and are creating in their lives. They want to figure out how it got there first. That shouldn’t be your first priority.
Think of it this way. What if, in your yard, you had this ugly plant that produced really delicious looking poisonous berries. The roots of this plant are so thick and ugly they are wrecking your sidewalk and killing nearby ‘good’ plants.
What is your first reaction? Well, likely, you are going to hack off those berries and throw them away, hack off the leaves and try to tear that thing up, with all of its roots. Your first response will not be to go searching for the seed while this plant continues to grow and wreak havoc.
Should you find out where that seed came from? Yes. And that’s what we’re going to touch on today.
Once you’ve gotten started to work the soil of your life when it comes to lust, you need to figure out how to stop another seed from planting itself.
This is a step women sometimes miss. They hone in on one area (masturbation, for example) and while they are working on breaking those chains, they start having problems in a different area (fantasy). This can cross ‘genres’ as well. Some may go from struggling with a sexual addiction to struggling with another addiction, such as alcohol.
Why does that happen? You haven’t cleared the area of seed-producers.
If you want to keep seeds from planting themselves in the soil of your heart, you not only have to work the soil, you have to get rid of what’s making the seeds.
That could be different for each of us. The search for the source is one that you have to take in your own life. Our struggles all manifest the same, but they may come from different places.
Healing Past Wounds
You may be one of many women who have been abused, molested, raped or wounded by men who were supposed to take care of you. Perhaps it was an absent or abusive father. Maybe an uncle or pastor took advantage of you. Maybe a total stranger took what was never rightfully his.
That brokenness is all too real, and the wounds from that have to be addressed. They can be the source not only for our struggles with lust but also with trust, anger, and bitterness. We didn’t choose to experience those things, but we do choose our reaction.
I strongly encourage you to go to seek counsel for that event, not because there is something wrong with you. The choices of others do not change who you are in Christ. Letting others into that pain can help us with so many areas of our lives, not just our struggles with lust.
Changing our Patterns
Everything from the people we hang out with, to our social media habits can be a source of bad seed in our lives. If we don’t remove those things or at least reduce their ability to impact us, we will find ourselves continually struggling.
Think about the different patterns of life you have. Who are the people you associate with? What direction are they leading you? Do you spend a lot of time on the internet? Even if you aren’t viewing pornography, every moment on the internet is another one exposed to temptation and another moment lost in the presence of real people. What patterns might you need to change?
Beyond physical patterns, what thought patterns get you in trouble? Perhaps it’s anger, sorrow, or stress. Maybe you get easily bored or shy away from social interaction. How can you work to correcting those thought patterns?
A very important part of freedom is preventing the same problem from happening again while we work on healing.
To do that, we need to clear the field of our hearts of anything that bears bad fruit. That is one of the reasons that freedom can be such a long, and painful process, but in the end, it is worth it.