I have been spending the last couple weeks working on material designed for male youth workers. My actual objective was: write to male youth workers offering advice on how they can combat lust among young women in their youth ministry.
My conclusion, after much prayer, thought, counsel and research: Men should not be combating lust among young women in their youth ministry.
While obviously Christian men have some involvement in a road to healing, having a man take lead role in a walk of recovery is like having a man teach a childbirthing class. There are some things they just don’t get! More on that is to come, but for now, let’s look at some basic mistakes men make.
Men think men are the only ones. This is false (in case the existence of this ministry hadn’t clued you in to that already). While men may say, “Oh, yes, of course women might struggle with lust” they don’t often preach that. Any time I have heard pornography addressed it has been exclusively to men. We hear things like, “Men, watch what you have on your computer,” “Men, watch where you let your thoughts wander.” And, for a woman struggling with pornography and lust, every one of those “men”s is a nail in an already sealed coffin.
Men assume it’s the same all the way around. A woman’s struggle has a different base and progress than a man’s struggle. This is why men are so confused as to why women struggle at all. Men are told that they struggle with pornography and lust because God has created them to be visually-wired. While it is true men are sensitive to visual stimuli, visual stimuli is not why men struggle with porn. Sin is why men struggle with porn; visual sensitivity is what makes the difference between a man’s struggle and a woman’s struggle.
Men think they can fix it. Male accountability partners are a bad idea for women. Man-to-man accountability is beneficial as brothers in Christ help each other, but Man-to-woman accountability is a bad idea all around. Yes, accountability is important, but co-ed accountability is dangerous. It can compromise the purity of the man involved and can mess with the heart and mind of the young woman. In essence, the male accountability partner runs the risk of becoming her new pornography- obviously not in the literal sense (though that could happen).
Men disrespect women. When a woman watches a man disrespect or degrade women, it only emphasizes the lies she is believing about herself. Chivalry may be dying, but it’s taking thousands of women down with it.
So what should men do?
Brothers in Christ can play a crucial role in maintaining the purity of their sisters. While they shouldn’t be involved at the root, they can help heal the wounds that led her to this place. Many women fall into this because they feel men require this of them. They buy the lie that this is all they’re worth. Men, can help correct that thinking, not by romancing her, fixing her or by being her accountability partner, but by being men of honor and valor- a man that is worth waiting for.