Last month, I wrote my testimony out for a “mom blog” and the response has been overwhelming. Some youth pastors have shared it with their youth groups and young girls have come forward admitting a struggle with pornography. That is exciting to me, not that they’re struggling, but that they’re talking about it! The conversation is starting. I realized it is one of the shortest, easy-to-share versions of my story, so I wanted to share it with you.
The first pornographic video I ever saw was 3 minutes and 23 seconds long. Less than five minutes earlier, I was a typical thirteen year old girl, just looking for information for school. That search led me right into hardcore pornography. I had never searched for inappropriate terms. I didn’t even know pornography existed. By the end of that video, my entire world turned on its head.
I clicked on the video and it led me to the website, and right to a streaming video feed. No warnings. No age verification. Just porn– free, uncensored, violent, and in abundance.
So began four years of an escalating problem with pornography. At first, it was fun- just a hobby. By my senior year of high school, I was spending nearly five hours a day on the computer specifically for sexual purposes, and between 8-10 hours indulging in lust of some sort. It was ruining my life.
Try as I did, I could never seem to get a handle on my problem. No matter how much I tried to stop, no matter how much my grades suffered, or how much sleep I lost, I kept going back to it. I knew I needed help, but wasn’t sure where to go. My church and family only talked about sex enough to tell me that I shouldn’t have it or talk about it until I’m married. The resources online were all geared toward men. My story is unique, in that I’m a woman.
The whole “Gatekeeper” series at Growing Up Triplets is fantastic. I especially appreciate this one about growing, changing and healing.