PornographyPurity & Freedom

How Did This Happen?!

We all have that moment in the mirror.  The moment we ask ourselves, “how on earth did I end up here?”  The question is, do we walk away changed?

I experienced a new e-mail emotional reaction this week.  Oftentimes, the e-mails I receive are the heartbreaking cries for help of young women who stumble across Beggar’s Daughter.  This one was, but it was different, because when this woman “met” Beggar’s Daughter she didn’t have the issues Beggar’s Daughter addresses.  There was this creeping of anger and frustration.  I wanted to reach through the computer screen, grab her by the collar and rattle her a little bit. How could you do this!?  How could you, after seeing the pain this causes, just waltz into it?

Moments passed and a solemn truth came into my mind.  She is probably asking herself the exact same thing.  In fact, she is, in this moment, experiencing all of those emotions so many women before her have expressed and is asking the question every woman before her has asked- ‘How did I get here?’ and the followup-

How on earth do I get out?

Lust has this life-sapping power.  One moment we’re wading through life on a little inflatable boat of faith and ignorance.  The next moment, we decide to juggle knives, even though all around us we can see the drowning consequences of people juggling knives.  Still, something in our hearts says that we can do better.

Well, sure, they’re drowning, but I have more control than them.  My skills are more refined.  Just one shot.

For the record, knives and inflatables aren’t friends.  Neither are lust and faith, for the record.

So what do we do?  What do we do when we pop the hole in the boat and start drowning?  What do we do when we look in the mirror and see the mess we’ve managed to make of ourselves?

The only thing we can do.  We cry out to God… and, I know, that’s hard.

No, really, it is, and I understand that.  We think that maybe if we doggie paddle and crack out the duct tape that we can get back in the raft again.  We think maybe if we just take a shower that all of the mess will be gone.  But, understand this one very important truth, we can’t do this.  We can’t.

Most of us know that already.  We know how incapable we are.  Our problem is resign ourselves to our demise.  We give up.

Do not give up!

Do not curl up in a corner and hide.  No, it doesn’t seem like it, but every human being on the face of this planet is in need of God’s grace, forgiveness, love and mercy because every single human being on this planet has fallen short of His holiness and glory.

You have not grossed God out.

Do you realize that?  You haven’t! He isn’t sitting up in Heaven thinking, “Yeah, that’s right, you sit in that corner and think about what you’ve done and when I feel like forgiving you, I’ll let you come out and play.”  He isn’t like that.  In fact, as we walk over to put ourselves in the corner, His love and mercy is calling after us.  He is pleading with our hearts to come back to Him.  He is waiting for you to throw your hands up in the air and say,

“Ok.  I messed up– again.  I know I shouldn’t have done that, and now I have opened a Pandora’s box and I need You to rescue me because I am drowning out here.”

His hand is always outstretched, but we have to reach out to Him.  He is not going to grab us by our bootstraps and pull us from lust.  Instead, He’ll hold our hands and drown us in grace and mercy until lust looses its grip.  Just reach out, and breathe in.


One comment

  1. ah, excuse me… did you just get inside my head? haha, that’s what I appreciate about your blog Jessica… Everything your write, I get. I hear you… right now, I’m on that inflatable, drifting… I had a moment when you said…
    “Most of us know that already. We know how incapable we are. Our problem is resign ourselves to our demise. We give up.”
    Oh man, that’s like, me right now…
    Thank you for what else you said though… you are such an encouragement. I don’t feel like I have the strength to get back up (this is life-zapping stuff) but it’s good to know that there is hope and (maybe) someday soon, I’ll get there. I am over all of this, and want to move on… because
    ““Ok. I messed up– again. I know I shouldn’t have done that, and now I have opened a Pandora’s box and I need You to rescue me because I am drowning out here.”