At first blush, this may seem like a post for the guys. It isn’t. This for the women, for women so wrapped up in their struggle, so afraid of intimacy, so bound by expectations, so terrified of being known, that they avoid friendships with women.
I was a woman like that, and I’m pretty sure I am not alone.
I can be friendly with anyone, but I find my friendships with men grow faster. I have no idea why. It could be that I grew up without a male figure so I am drawn to their authority and their strength. It could be that perhaps I haven’t figured out that intimacy has nothing to do with sex (even though sex has everything to do with intimacy). It could be because I’m single so I naturally pay attention to men more.
It could be the fact that I would rather rock climb than shop. It could be that my strong personality intimidates most women. Or, it could just be the fact that I can’t stand drama, and men don’t do drama. Perhaps it’s because men don’t PMS (though there are some men that make me question that). They’re stable. They’re strong. They’re fun.
For whatever reason, I feel very at home in a group of guys, and very threatened and unsure in a group of women.
Perhaps that’s just how we women are. Maybe every women feels like every other woman is judging her. I don’t know, because I am just one woman.
Here is what I do know: I need other women.
For a long time, I think I viewed women as competition or even an inconvenience to my life. Porn will do that to you, though. When you spend your hours watching videos of other women giving up their perfect, plastic bodies, it messes with how you view people. In porn, you can click to the next picture or skip to the next video when you’re tired of one. You can’t do that with people. They don’t have a “next” button.
Then there’s the fact that women just have more deep, meaningful, relationships. I wanted nothing to do with deep, meaningful relationships. I was perfectly content being superficial– with women. With men, however, I was deep and sickeningly transparent. Maybe I just didn’t want to deal with the emotions that come with letting women in, maybe it was part of playing the seductress. I honestly don’t know.
As I’ve walked this journey of freedom, I’ve come to value my sisters in Christ, if for no other reason than they help me be a better woman.
No, they don’t teach me how to knit, and I still can’t stand shopping trips. When I talk about being a better woman, that’s not what I am talking about. The women in my life show me what it is like to be a woman who loves her Saviour and who loves people genuinely. They help me learn how to act around men, how to treat men, how to view men, and how to view myself. They keep me in check, keep my heart in line, and help me learn to be more in touch with my emotions. The women in my life have taught me how to truly connect to people.
So, if you’re one of those women who just would rather deal with the what-you-see-is-what-you-get version of humanity (aka men), please hear me: you need sisters in Christ.
Be purposeful in developing relationships with sisters in Christ.
I feel like this is so important, so bear with me over the coming weeks as I veer off on this topic of female friendship. While it may seem like such an unlikely aspect of a woman’s struggle with pornography and lust, I feel like it is actually a huge part of it.
Think about it: our world has revolved around men. Not people. Men. It has revolved around men to the point that we have learned to exclude, fear, and avoid women.
That isn’t healthy, and is something we need to change. Having deep friendships with Godly women is part of our restoration.