It’s a theme I see in my own journey as I thumb through my journals of years gone by. It’s a theme I see repeated over and over again in e-mails I get from women looking for help. It’s a cry for help to the One we know can help, an honest call of frustration, desperation, and desire.
“God, why aren’t you fixing this? Why aren’t You removing this addiction?”
God, why won’t You help me!?
A Good Question
This is a good question. It shows progress in our journey. We acknowledge we have a problem. We are triyng to get out. We are looking to God for help, and we are searching out His character and His heart.
We picture ourselves as a little girl trapped in the grip of an evil monster. Surely if our God were a loving father, He would do what any loving father would do. He would sweep in to save the day, slay the evil monster and rescue His daughter. He is loving, right? He is good, right? He wants me free, right?
Yes, yes, and yes. Those are truths about His character, and truths that our circumstances seem to call into question. We are in pain, yet the Divine Healer seems to stand aloof. We are enslaved, and the Saviour seems to ignore our cries. Something just doesn’t make sense. So it is a good question, but it’s the wrong question.
When we ask this question, we show how far we have come, but we also show how far we have left to travel on this journey. We are trapped somewhere between blaming everybody else and relying on God. In this place, we have made Him solely responsible for getting us out.
We do think of ourselves as that little girl trapped in the arms of an evil monster, and expect God to come kill the monster and rescue us. The problem is, the monster is our pet lizard. We have taken the monster in. We have nourished it, cared for it, and now it has grown to this gigantic, out of control beast that we hate to love and love to hate. While our hearts want out, our bodies are still connected. It is so much a part of us, but at the same time, we want Jesus to come and zap it.
Here’s the thing: He already has.
God is loving. God is good. God does want you free. So because God is loving, good and desires your freedom, He sent Jesus to Calvary to suffer the price for your pornography addiction. He has freed you. You are the one insisting on staying there.
So the question should not be “Why isn’t God helping me?” The question should be “Why am I still here?”
Imagine one last time that you are that girl trapped by that evil monster (because you are). Jesus, in all of His redeeming love and grace comes down from Heaven, dies on the cross and kills that monster for you. If the monster is dead, why aren’t you running? Sure it’s hand may be wrapped around you, but it’s dead. Dead hands have no hold.
The victory has been won, and your freedom has been purchased, all that is left for you is to walk in that freedom. God is not going to make the next choice for you. The next time your body cries out for pornography, you know what He wants you to say. He wants you to say, “No” but He will not force you to. It is your choice.
So much of this journey is learning to take responsibility for what it ours. It is not your responsibility to single-handedly take down pornography. God has already done that. It is your responsibility to walk away from it, and as you walk away from it, the reality of its death will change you.
I heard this on Sunday and thought it was so powerful:
Sometimes we say, “God change me, and then i will obey.” But usually what happens is, as we obey, He changes us.
The next time you fall and you catch yourself thinking, “God, why aren’t You fixing this?” Stop questioning the character of God and question your own. Cry out to Him to show you places in your life where you are still holding on. Figure out what places in your heart pornography still fills. Figure out the patterns of thought where lust still dances. Cry out for Him to heal those places, and He will. It might take time, but He will.