Lust & FantasyPornographyPurity & Freedom

Free From Porn but You Want to Go Back?

Have you ever had that momentary lapse in judgement when you are pretty sure that life was better before you found freedom?  Your memory may be a little fuzzy but you are pretty sure you were more free then.  After all, you could do whatever you wanted, right?  You had a sure fire way to cope (aka. escape) from stress, and had a better handle on life.  You did not have to fight with this crazy sex drive and could just let it do whatever it wanted.  Life was so much better then.

Lessons From Israel

No worries.  You are not the first person to suffer that same lack of judgement.  Think about the nation of Israel.  They have a well-earned reputation of being a stubborn, complaining, ungrateful people.  We like to emphasize their tendency to whine, God’s decision to wipe them out, and then Moses’ intercession on their behalf.  That cycle repeats itself over and over again for 40 years (and beyond).

Have you ever looked at what they complained about?  Here’s one instance from Numbers 11:4-6

And the mixed multitude that was among them fell a lusting: and the children of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us flesh to eat? We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlic: But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes.

Let me give you some context.  The children of Israel have been slaves in Egypt for nearly 400 years.  They weren’t just living their with noisy neighbors, they were slaves- oppressed and mistreated.  God, through a great series of plagues, signs and miracles frees Israel from the Egyptians.  They have been sent away from Egypt with riches and have God Himself leading them on the journey to a land He has promised.  God has parted the Red Sea so that they crossed on dry land, and then, before their very eyes, brought that same sea down onto the Egyptian army, killing them all.

And the Israelites are complaining about the menu.

All they have is this stinking manna.  The manna they are whining about is bread from Heaven.  It literally showed up in the morning on the ground after the dew evaporated.  In Psalm 78:25 it is referred to as the food of angels.  God Himself is providing bread for them.

But There was Garlic

When you sit and read it, it sounds rather ridiculous.  God does all of these signs and wonders.  He shows Himself in a mighty way.  He has redeemed them from their slavery.  He has not only given them freedom, but He has given them a land of promise.  He Himself is leading them to that land of promise and is send food from Heaven to sustain them on the way.

They have been freed from slavery, but they are crying.  They are horribly upset because at least in Egypt (where they were oppressed, beaten, and murdered), there was garlic.

Yes, garlic (and onions, leeks, cucumbers, melons, and fish).  God has promised them and is leading them to a land overflowing with milk and honey.  They have the deliverance they have been crying out for for years.  Now, they are crying over fish and garlic.

It seems ridiculous, but we do the same thing!

Joy in the Journey

Instead of rejoicing over our deliverance from sin, we lament the freedom we have in it.  We essentially say, “Yes, I know pornography made me feel guilty.  Yes, I know it was destroying my self esteem.  Yes, I know it controlled my life.  I know I was a slave… but at least I had friends (No, you didn’t).  At least people cared about me (No, they didn’t).  At least I was loved (No, you weren’t).”

We are walking this journey of freedom.  We have been delivered from the slavery of our sin, from the captivity of sexual sin.  We are on a journey toward the abundant life Jesus Christ Himself has promised to give us (John 10:10).  We are loved by Love itself.  We have been given worth and value beyond all measure.  We cried out for freedom, and were given it, and we are complaining because we can’t masturbate whenever we want to?

That does not make sense, but we do it.

We wanted an instant renewal.  We wanted to be in porn one day, get rescued and be perfectly peachy keen fine the next.  We did not sign up for a journey.  We signed up for freedom.  We signed up for a dead sex drive.  We signed up for a finished struggle.

Somewhere in our self-righteousness we expected to pray a prayer and boom! no longer struggle, no longer have to work, no longer have to battle.  We expected everything- the husband, the respect, the value, the beauty, the friendship, to happen instantly.  It does not work that way.  There is a journey involved, and while on that journey you are no longer in Egypt and you’re not quite ‘home,’ but God is still with you.

In that in between place there is a tendency to doubt that God will make good on His word.  It is easy to believe that freedom is not truly possible and that we actually might have been better off back in Egypt.  No, it wasn’t the best life, but at least it was something, right?  It was better than sitting around feeling like a loser, dealing with all of this insecurity and having to work through all of this baggage.

Look up, dear one.  Heaven itself is reaching down to heal your body and soul.  Stop focusing on what you don’t think you have that you think you deserve.  Instead, celebrate His goodness and all that He is done and let that be enough truth to give you hope for your future.

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2 comments

  1. Hi Jessica. I can totally relate with the Israelites, as much as they irritate me. Wanting to go back seems so much easier than fighting something that seems to be a part of me. Fighting myself is tiring. I know its a journey, i just have to figure out how not to get tired with myself and the situation. Thanks for being an encouragement. Love your blog.

  2. Very good example. Have never really thought of comparing what they have now and what they were complaining about. Have always only thought that they were being very ungrateful, but now when we compare freedom plus Canaan and garlic, cucumber, whatnot, it really does seem ridiculous and silly, but that’s exactly the way we think about our past sometimes.

    Very good post, Sis. Jessica. Your posts are always a blessing. 🙂