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Can Christian Girls Be “Sexy?”

Earlier this year, Victoria Secret Supermodel, Kylie Bisutti, traded in her angel wings in a desire to honor the Lord and respect her husband.  It brings up a great question and a dilemma I think many young Christian women face, can Christian girls be sexy?


Sex, Sex, Everywhere

We often talk about how men are surrounded by sex.  Women’s bodies are used to sell anything from cars to web hosts.  Someone got the memo that men like women and decided to use the women to get to the men.  Let’s face it, dressing the company’s CEO up in a bathing suit just might not have the same effect.

But it is important to note that men and women are, in fact, not from two separate planets.  We live on the same planet- earth, and we co-exist here.  Our eyes see the same pictures, our ears hear the same ads.  As a husband and wife drive down a highway and pass a billboard for a gentleman’s club, they are both affected by it.  When an ad for the latest perfume comes on TV featuring some shirtless Italian stud and some blonde beach bunny locked in a lover’s embrace, that is meant to speak to both of us.

Woman-Centered Society of Sex

We live in a very openly sexual society.  We, men and women alike, live in a society saturated with sex, and most of that sex saturation centers around a woman’s body.  You never see the department stores putting the male underwear models in the windows.  In fact, the male underwear section is usually tucked back in some corner of the store behind the socks.

The women’s section is not so discreet- lacy bras and panties are often right on top of the aisle (and in many cases strategically placed next to the maternity section, which I have always found amusing).  In one local department store the lingerie section is smack at the top of the escalator with the teen lingerie section at the bottom (yes, teen lingerie- don’t get me started on that one).

Our culture’s fascination obsession with sex, centers around the woman’s body.  It is the women who are to be sexy.  It is the women who are to be provocative.  It is a wonder women could believe they are to be anything but sexy.

What does ‘sexy’ mean?

In college, at one of the all-girls meetings, a member of the female dean staff said,

“Sexy means you are trying to get someone to have sex with you.  So, no, you are not supposed to dress sexy.”

I understand what she is saying, but (and hear me out on this), I think there are contexts where she can be wrong.

Sexy is a very loose and vague term now.  Its meaning often depends on what exactly is being sexy.  If clothes are sexy, that can mean anything from having lace to being well-cut.  In modern vernacular even food can be sexy which simply means it has a very seductive quality to it, either in appearance or taste.  A smell can be sexy, which points to a tantalizing quality in the fragrance. Sexy is used as sarcasm, “Oh, that was real sexy.”  A person can be sexy and it can refer to everything from their actual appearance to an air of confidence.

I think the thought process we need to be more concerned about is being ‘hot.’  Hot is the new sexy.  Hot carries with it more of a sexual undertone than sexy.  All of that aside, let’s answer the question.

Can Christian Girls be Sexy?

We have to be careful, because there is a balance in this approach.  One class of people says it is wrong for women to appear attractive in any way.  At the extreme, they cannot even wear jewelry because earrings draw attention to the neck and necklaces draw attention to the chest.  Makeup is not allowed, legs cannot be shaved, eyebrows shall not be plucked and perfume shall not be worn.

Then you have a second class of women who say, “I will dress however I want and if a man has a problem with it, that’s his problem.”  Christian liberty has been thrown into hyperdrive, and the youth group is full of mini-skirt wearing young women leaving nothing to anyone’s imagination (whether good or bad).

There is a balance, and it centers around this truth.  Women are attractive. As a Christian woman it is OK to be attractive.

Just remember that men are attracted to women.  This is great. That is how it supposed to be.  This is a good, God-honoring predicament.  We are attractive and men are attracted to us, and God said it was good.

It is OK to wear a dress because it fits you well and you feel confident (maybe even sexy?) in it.  If, however, a bath towel would offer more coverage, you need to think about your brothers in Christ.

Yes, you may look great in it.  Yes, you may feel great in it, but maybe that outfit is best reserved for another time and another place (aka marriage bed).  Yes, Christian women can have sex (shocker, huh?) and they can wear lingerie if they would like.  There is no law against being sexual with your husband.  But if you don’t have one of those, then who exactly where you being sexy for?


Going Out or Staying In?

Here’s a simple rule to go by.  It’s one I like to use as a guideline.  Since I don’t have the father to threaten me on pain of death if I wear a skirt that is too short, I think about my husband.  I want to be the kind of woman that my husband is happy to have on his arm.

I want to be attractive, and there is a difference between “I look good” and “let’s go.”  My first place to check is always my heart.  If I am struggling recently, then I know that my motives might be a little flawed.  Then, I check my mind.  What am I thinking about in this outfit?  “Oh, if I wear this shirt it draws attention to {fill in the blank}”

As a final test, I like to imagine my husband were standing outside the door of my room.  When I walk out of my room, would my attire suggest that we were going out into public or that we would be staying in?

Just something to think about.


One comment

  1. “There is a balance, and it centers around this truth. Women are attractive. As a Christian woman it is OK to be attractive.”

    “Sexy” tries to prove itself using any means necessary.

    “Beautiful” just is.