We all have a turning point. For me, that wasn’t confession; it was Sarah.
And Sarah will probably hate that I am doing this, because as Sarah will tell you, it was God who changed my life, not Sarah. But Sarah was a willing tool to help change it.
Anytime I share my story, I talk about the turning point in my journey. I can remember the events of that night with great clarity. After being urged to confess my stronghold in an all-girls devotional meeting, I faced a long walk back to my dorm. I was alone and felt so alone and defeated. I felt like I was dragging this weight. I felt that my last bit of hope for freedom had just vanished. I was convinced that I would be kicked out of the school. That I had just ended my road, and the thought in my mind was
“God, this has to work.”
I had already been caught before and let off the hook. If I had confessed and was ignored or pushed away, I was afraid of who I would become. If they came to me and said, “Pack your bags and leave” I am convinced that I would have thrown in the towel and just joined the porn industry.
The devil has this hammer he loves to pound us with and inscribed on it is “You’ll never be worth more.”
I was a freak of nature, some twisted form of a woman. I didn’t deserve the joy of knowing Christ. I didn’t deserve one taste of freedom, and if he would have his way, I wouldn’t.
I laid on my bed that evening, weeping, crying out to God to please listen to me, even if it was just this once. This had to work.
Then came a knock on my door. It was Sarah. Hours before, I had handed her a slip of paper that read “Name- Jessica Harris. Stronghold- Pornography.” An epic battle between the Holy Spirit and my pride had waged before I found the strength to write those eleven letters. I handed the paper to Sarah, asked her to read it later and began the walk back hoping she would lose it. She didn’t.
She pulled me into the hallway, with every bit the power to send me home, and said, “Jessica, what you wrote was brave…
…and we are going to help you.”
That was the moment that changed my life. In that moment, the grace, mercy, and compassion shown by God through Sarah silenced the lies of the devil that had been screaming in my head all evening. I wasn’t beyond hope. Here, a woman was standing across from me, letting me know that I wasn’t too far gone. I hadn’t gone beyond His grace.
Many women were involved in my path to freedom, but Sarah’s heart for truth, grace and purity led the way. It was Sarah who told me I had to love God more than I hate the sin. It was Sarah who told me to run to grace and keep on running. When I speak for Beggar’s Daughter, when I write for Beggar’s Daughter, any thing that’s worth reading probably stemmed from Sarah’s ministry in my life.
People ask me all the time, “How can I mentor someone who struggles with pornography?”
The answer I give them is to love Jesus, but the answer in my mind is “be like Sarah.” That answer doesn’t really help, since no one I speak to knows Sarah… until now. Sarah helps run a site called, Unlocking Femininity.
Want to see what the heart of a mentor looks like? head on over there, and meet Sarah!