Sex & Singleness

A Single Girl and a Lingerie Store

I doubt I could embarass her more than she will be embarassed.  Maybe she won’t be embarassed.  All I know is I about died when I opened up the cute purple invitation and realized it was for a lingerie shower.  I had only ever heard of them twice.  The first was nearly ten years ago, right before my cousin got married.  The second was my best friend telling me she would kill me if I threw one for her.

Being invited to one was an entirely new experience for me, one I had no clue how to handle.  I could just not go, but the problem is that I will be staying with the bride– in her house.  It seems a little rude to say, “Oh no.  I am not going to that.  I know I came early to spend some time with you, but I would rather sit here, in your house, and do nothing.”

Still, it seems equally as intrusive to go to an event where her most intimate articles of clothing will be on display for her close friends to see.

This whole situation had my heart so conflicted.  I had joked about this with my best friend years before.  Right around the time she was threatening my life if I threw her a lingerie shower, we talked about the gifts we would get each other.  I would get her the largest, most obnoxious ‘gramma’ under garments possible just relieve the awkward tension of the moment, and then a gift card so she could go get her own.

I do not have a problem with sex.  I talk about sex (look at the page you are on) very frankly, even in person.  I do not pry my married friends for answers, details, or anything of the sort and they are very good to not give too much information.  I am close to my friends.  I don’t tell them what to wear in their bedrooms and I don’t want them suggesting what I should wear in mine.

That’s too close.  To me, that’s husband-only turf.

Maybe married women see it differently.  Maybe it’s some bond they all get, some sisterhood that gives them license to buy each other lingerie.  It’s the same phenomenon you see when a woman is pregnant.  Every woman and her sister feels she has the right to rub the belly.  The whole attitude just seems so imposing to me, and the whole process was… difficult.  The fact that it came smack in the middle of a series on fantasy and lust just added to the irony.

So, I had to get a new focus.

This is not, I said to myself, about the lingerie(I’ll worry later about whether or not that is fantasy).  This, is a celebration of her purity!  A celebration of the fact that she made it!  They waited, and it was hard. I know it was hard.  This is a chance for me to rejoice with her.  To smile, to laugh and partake, in some strange way, of that anticipation I myself talk about when I talk about purity.

So, I, being the naive (ok, maybe not too naive) single girl, came at it from a completely different angle.  One that probably goes against the ‘norm’ for these things.  I just love to be different, fun, and real.   Hopefully, it will ease the tension in the room, make people laugh and get back to the real purpose I just invented for this whole celebration– to celebrate.  There will be no “lingerie” in my bag.

I believe in the goodness of sex; I really do.  God made it, and I know that’s a message that is missing in our Christian circles today.  A teenage girl I know recently discovered Song of Solomon and was in complete shock that it was in the Bible.

I can’t believe this is in here! she said.

Darlin’, God wrote about it long before Playboy got their grimy hands all over it.

It was His to start with.  Maybe we forget that.  So, yes, it is worth celebrating because it is good.  It is, however, also sacred.  Maybe, sometimes, we forget that too.



  1. “That’s too close. To me, that’s husband-only turf.”

    I couldn’t agree more! It seems that boundaries are pushed too much, and truth isn’t pushed enough. Spiritual survival in the information age demands that we constantly question and filter our thirst for “need-to-know.” There’s probably no proving ground more demanding of that than sex.

    I appreciate the fact that you keep a watchful eye on those boundaries in your posts–thank you!

  2. I had some family members give me one of those and about DIED when my husband’s grandmother gave me some “babydoll” type stuff. I promptly returned it. There was no way I could have afforded all of the lingerie by myself, but yeah, I agree it was more than a little weird having others give me clothes that would only been seen by my husband!

  3. Here is the problem I have with the last bit of your post. If you imply that we forget that virginity/sex is sacred then you’re taking a shot at the non-Christians because I assume the vast majority of Christians don’t forget. Why do you believe that sex is sacred but my freedom of religion (or lack thereof, in this case) is not sacred?

    1. Eliar,

      Unfortunately, all too many Christians DO forget that sexuality is sacred. This blog’s target audience is Christian women who struggle with pornography, so I was talking to them.

      As for your question about religion or lack thereof, since you were incorrect in assuming I was ‘taking shots’ at you,I don’t feel obligated to respond to why you feel I don’t believe your freedom of religion is sacred.

      But for sake of the discussion, I want to define sacred as used in Christian circles, since it gets a little fuzzy when other people start using it. Sacred does not mean untouchable. Sacred means set apart for a specific purpose. It is synonymous with holiness and sanctification. Sex serves a sacred purpose, a holy purpose, within the context of marriage. It is something meant to be treasured and treated with high regard because of the purpose it serves.

      Your freedom of religion or lack thereof is not sacred; it is a ‘freedom.’ There is a difference.

      1. If I may, I’m a little confused now. Sexuality and sex are two very separate and different topics. Sex is the act while sexuality refers to personal and emotional conduct, behavior, and feelings. Regardless, I wish to continue the discussion on sacred, even though you said you weren’t taking a shot. You define “sacred” as something that is not untouchable but rather as something that serves a special purpose. By that logic then freedom is more than sacred because it is untouchable. But let’s assume that it’s not untouchable and that it serves a special purpose itself, which is to allow people to freely do as they desire within the bounds of socially accepted laws. Hence, my freedom is indeed a sacred rite.

        1. 🙂 As Christians, we don’t draw such a distinctive line between sexuality and sex. Both are addressed here because both are important, maybe even equally important.

          As for the sacred freedom, I never attacked your freedom. Therefore, this is a moot point. If you want to state a specific point that has to do with this post, you are welcome to.

          1. I didn’t say you attacked it. I’m merely challenging your assertion that freedom isn’t sacred and that it’s “just a freedom”. That is circular logic.

    2. ” Why do you believe that sex is sacred but my freedom of religion (or lack thereof, in this case) is not sacred?”

      In your original comment, you ask why I don’t believe your freedom of religion (or lack thereof) is sacred. That was never discussed in the post. If you would like to make a point related to the post, comment on.

      If you wish to continue this whole discussion about sacred freedom, you may use the contact form.